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CLAUSEN TO START DESPITE INJURIES, SCABIES

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According to the Tennessean, Casey Rick (uh, or one of them, dammit) Clausen will make the start against the University of Georgia tomorrow despite numerous ailments including two broken fingers on his non-throwing hand, a bruised shoulder, and a "sore" Achilles tendon that had Clausen in a walking boot this week.

An anonymous source reports that Clausen's injuries are larger in scope than the team is letting on, and that Clausen will be playing with a plethora of ailments on Saturday. An excerpted list follows:

--Broken right tibia
--Septic gunshot wound, right buttock
--Snake bite, left calf.
--Scabies
--Cerebral malaria (recovering)
--Scrofula
--Severe abrasions from failed motorcycle jump at Caesars' Las Vegas fountains, right hip/torso
--Lockjaw
--The screaming fantods
--Fractured skull resulting from ill-advised bat-fight in Knoxville alley
--Cholera
--Third-stage syphilis, contracted from a whore with a heart of gold in Kinchasa.
--Athlete's foot.
--Dislocated shoulder from "reverse keg stand" with full keg.
--Pleurisy.
--Gout.

Clausen's looking A-OK for Saturday's start, despite an attack of the gout.