Because we care: a liveblog will scroll its lazy way down the internets during the Tennessee/LSU game. For the record, we're taking Tennessee, if only because we can't imagine the Vols playing as badly as they have three games in a row.
Stranko: 7:34 EST. The games hasn't kicked off and I've already hit my limit on "the game isn't important its just a welcome diversion" talk. Look, we already know this, but let's face it, we put too much importance on sports, especially college. That is who we are and we should just be okay with it rather than pretend that "its not that important." Also, I say LSU wins. We shall see.
Stranko: 7:38 EST. The crowd is in force and ready to rumble... Is Tennessee? We'll know after the review of the kickoff fumble.
Stranko: 7:42 EST. Well, I can see why Fulmer is so in love with Ainge and has benched Claussen. He secretly hates Tennessee fans. Nice fumble followed by a quick strike by Addai.
Stranko:7:40 EST. Tennesee's ball, now let's see if their gameplan is as bad as last week.
Orson: 7:44 EST. Ainge follows in a long tradition of gawky white qbs who turn over the ball at inopportune times at Tennessee. Addai gets that first carry and cuts back with velvety feet wayyyy too smooth for a guy who looks like the Devil's Bouncer. TD, LSU.
Stranko: 7:48 EST. Orson, it looks like your Costanza powers have affected the Vols. They look rattled.
Stranko: 7:50 EST. Holy Shit... they can't do anything right. That was a big pass to drop.
Stranko: 7:51 EST. In defense of Tennessee... how tough is it to go from the Swamp to the Bayou. They are probably the toughest two places to play in the country. Even a sophisticated offense like Boise might be affected by that.
Stranko: 7:53. Aren't blond sideline reporters supposed to be hot?
Orson: 7:54. Speaking of raw deals...how did we get spiky poo Davie with the immortal Ron Franklin?
Orson: 7:57 EST. Lipreading fun: Les Miles mouths "dumbass" on the penalty.
Stranko: 8:03. Nice hit by Kevin Simon. This was a good weekend for big hits.
Orson: 8:04. Large turnover right there. Shame--LSU's O-Line was whipping Tennessee's ass, even against the blitz.
Stranko: 8:10. Commercial break. Doug and Carie Heffernen are at their marital bickering again... what a shock.
Stranko: 8:15. Finally a catch by a Tennessee wide out. That turn over by Russell has really slowed the LSU momentum.
Orson 8:18. Randy Sanders has the play-o-matic set on random again.
Orson 8:24. Davie has just informed us that there's no coaching manual for how to deal with a hurricane. Idiotesque of him.
Stranko: 8:25. I think Davie has just taken over playcalling for both teams.
Stranko: 8:28. If things don't pick up I might have to watch Jean-Claude Van Damme dance to keep entertained
Orson: 8:30. And just like that LSU improvs a flea-flicker to the two.
Stranko: 8:30.5 Way to go Jimbo Fisher.
Orson: 8:33. The obscenity of Van Damme dancing is pretty awe-inspiring, though. The tanktop and pleated pants hiked up to his nipples are the best part.
Stranko: 8:37: Riggs is starting to look good. Will Fulmer stay with him or abandon it too early like he did against the Gators?
Orson: 8:39: Bet on abandon. Your sound screwed up? We swear that for five minutes we were listening to an LSU game with Billy Cannon.
Stranko: 8:43. Yup. They have been apologizing for technical differculties... which isn't such a bad thing because I am sick of hearing about how happy Ainge is that no matter how bad he sucks Clausen is still riding the pine. We get it Davie... there is no quarterback controversy for some unknown reason.
Stranko: 8:50. Well, LSU has the special teams advantage at the moment. What a great play downing it inside the 5 for the second time.
Orson: 8:52. Musberger moment: ahhh, the kicking game! Prude buries 'em at the one! PRUUUUUUDE! That's gotta be fun to cheer. And Ainge CRAPS HIS PANTIES on that play. What the hell? RUN THE BALL YOU'RE TENNESSEE!!!
Orson: 8:54. An incomprehensible playcall and protection call forces Ainge into a reprehensible play. And here comes Major Applewhite Rick Claussen off the sidelines...
Stranko: 8:57. Nice face plant into the uprights on the replay. I'm sure Ainge is benched because of the back injury and not the horrible play. Boy Fulmer looks like a genius now for making Ainge "the happiest man on the field" by avoiding a quarterback controversy.
Stranko: 8:58. So Claussen is the most popular player on the team and a leader... naturally he should ride the pine especially considering how poor the team's record was with him as a starter....
Orson: 9:02. Disaster. Riggs fumbles. Tennessee's getting a little chi-chi tonight.
Orson: 9:04. Les Tigres fumboulez la boule. Sacre bleu!
Orson: 9:08. The dumbest series of plays we've ever seen by UT. Kentucky looked better. By the way, one Cajun is screaming so loud we can hear him over the crowd--and it's obvious he's not that close to the mike. We're guessing a .28 BAC and rising.
Orson: 9:12. That flip play is a sure concussion-maker.
Stranko: 9:15. LSU is showing signs of being scary good. Tons of talent. Considering all that they've been through and that this is only their 2nd game, they could be in for a special season.
Stranko: 9:20. Well, they ended on a bone-headed play, but all in all, LSU looks pretty good.
Stranko: 9:22. Since Van Damme was such a big hit... it is time for half time entertainment.
Stranko: 9:54. It took a long time, but we've had our first Jim Bob Cooter reference.
Orson: 9:57. Mme. Swindle is cussing on the couch, as well, screaming at Tennessee's annoying "adjustment" drive on LSU's defense.
Orson: 10:05. Tennessee creeping back into this game just a bit?
Stranko: 10:05. Big Moment. 4th and 1 and Miles chooses to punt. Probably the right call, but it shows Miles doesn't play NCAA 2005.
Stranko: 10:09. Wow. Davie has just informed me that Tennessee's longest play of the year was 19 yards. With those receivers and the supposed talent and arm of Ainge, that is unbelievable.
Orson: 10:14. Double wow. We mention that and they get a 3rd and 15 conversion on a blown coverage. The Conscience of a Nation is getting downright surly.
Stranko: 10:17. Did the sack calm your surly bride?
Orson: 10:17. Blitz blitz blitz blitz. Tennessee has to punt--what, no fake?
Stranko: 10:18. As a fan of a team due to play LSU in the Bayou, Green scares the hell out of me. He is electric.
Orson: 10:20. Does LSU really have a lineman named Zinger?
Stranko: 10:23. Ugly but effective. That was an important field goal for the Tigers.
Stranko: 10:26. Will hearing the name Dick Butkis ever not be funny to me? Is that something I'll outgrow?
Orson: 10:27. Classy old-school dual-base goal posts. Tennesseee is muy screwed now. LSU's going to blitz Claussen into the muck.
Orson: 10:34. Ticky-tack PI call on LSU. Vengeance taken on awesome pass D two plays later. Imagining kid named Dick Butkus Cooter now. Thanks, Stranko.
Stranko: 10:38. Nice sack. I'm getting ready to put a fork in the Vols if they don't convert here
Stranko: 10:39. And just that fast, Clausen and Fayton come through.
Stranko: 10:40. What are we supposed to make of that weird Clausen bed story? On a more relevant note, Tennesse is on the move... how is Conscience taking it?
Orson: 10: 42. That story indicates that Knoxville nightlife sucks, or that Clausen is an opium smoker/porn addict. (What, no raves at the SunSphere?) Conscience is losing it a little.
Stranko: 10:44. Actually, I think the story is from his Baton Rouge days... and that is close to New Orleans. So the opium smoker/ porn addict is the only choice left. Big moment for the Vols here on 4th and goal.
Stranko: 10:45. They're not dead yet... just close.
Stranko: 10:46. This performance makes me wonder about UT's poll positioning. They haven't looked good, but they've been competitive against 2 top 10 teams in the toughest 2 places to play. That deserves some credit. But yet there is something wrong about a 1-2 team (assuming they lose) being in the top 25. It's weird. Obviously if they win, they are top 10... so losing a competitive game means what exactly... don't know.
Stranko: 10:52. Horrible Ainge-like throw. We have a new ballgame folks.
Orson: 10:52. JaMarcus Russell goes blind and gives the Vols a tight game by tossing an insane pick. Vols at the 1.
Stranko: 10:54. This makes my poll question even harder if the Vols lose.
Orson: 10:56. Vol fans should still want Randy Sanders fired. John Chavis, though, deserves his own barbecue pit in a Knoxville city park. LSU, choking at 24-21.
Stranko: 10:57. I'll pretend I'm a TV commentator and state the requisit obviousness. Huge drive.
Orson: 11:00. ...and they stammer into a three and out.
Stranko: 11:00. Damn! A tense game just as the Daily Show is starting.
Stranko: 11:10. Here's the game for the Vols here
Stranko: 11:11. Good!
Stranko: 11:12. In the spirit of beating the dead horse. Shouldn't Fulmer have realized that Tennessee has a team that can win now and isn't building for the future and have gone with Clausen after UAB? Why did it take until the second half of this game for that realization. Clausen must be the worst practice quarterback in the history of college football.
Orson: LSU's offense stalls...again. Amazing incompetence for each team by halves.
Orson: Was that Ainge? Wearing Clausen's jersey? Ball had to slip out of his hand. Tigers get the pick and immediately take a sack. Millions of video gamers simulataneously plead for OC jobs.
Stranko: 11:18. Since Matt Jones isn't wearing a Tiger's uniform, we are headed to overtime.
Orson: Maybe gamers really are calling the plays--Hail Mary gets intercepted with :00 on the clock. Only difference? We call it with eight minutes left in the first.
Stranko: 11:21. Russell has a cannon... but to no avail. Do you think Russell wishes he got out of bounds at the end of the first half.
Stranko: 11:25. Mahalona is a beast.
Stranko: 11:28. He made it by that much.
Orson: 11:30. Thank you, 99. LSU's defense is staggering around like they've got cholera.
Stranko: 11:31. Of course, holding helps
Stranko: 11:33. The tension is thicker than the Baton Rouge humidity. 3rd and goal.
Stranko: 11:34. Game. Set. Match.
Orson: 11:34. Blogpollers: punish LSU for blowing a sure thing. Listening to Phat Phil pat Clausen on the back while pulling the knife he put there out. They're both horrible or good, it's impossible to tell from the mess they laid out there tonight. Goonight...