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I WANNA BE SEDATED

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Some kind soul out there on a rooftop in Midtown Atlanta holding a tranq dart gun...we'll just go ahead and let you know that we'll be walking around Piedmont Park tonight, and if you would be a dear just go ahead and put a dart in our neck, a la Will Ferrell in Old School or we're going to have to resort to drastic measures to get to sleep tonight. We're that keyed up over the Tennesee game this weekend, and would like to take any and all measures to keep ourselves from turning into Frank the Tank before gametime.

This weekend could get ugly for Orson.

And there's so much great crap out there today we can only begin to scratch the foamy surface of the deep stein of beery college football writing. Georgia Sports somehow landed Apu to predict the Florida game using his own precise subcontinental mathematics. To wit:

6. Florida's last head coach was run out of town and into the Big Ten. Tennessee's last head coach was run out of town and straight to the bottle.

Edge: Florida

[Photo caption: If Johnny Majors dies. Sell your stock in Stoli]

An epic acheivement: an acerbic shot at a living coach for his proclivity for taking shots. According to Apu, Florida wins in a close one. That prediction will cost you $7.58, thank you very much come again.

Feldman gets into how huge a weekend this is for UCLA football, with the Bruin nation hedging that the matchup with a reeling Oklahoma team is set to be a watershed moment for the Bruins under Karl Dorrell. The excitement, despite the players' agitation, media focus, and blogger blather, doesn't seem to have dripped down to the fanbase yet: The Rose Bowl won't be close to full for the game, a situation Odysseus from Bruins Nation has one word for: embarrassing.

Much on the same topic, HP insists that no American city will have more people attending college football games this Saturday than Los Angeles. Gunslingers goes Lynyrd Skynyrd on him, says "gimme back my bullets" and shoots holes in HP's assumption. We're sure this will end with hugs and an exchange of plush bears.

In case you didn't notice, giant-killer TCU ended the nation's second longest win streak last night, beginning the inevitable post-Meyer spiral for Utah with a 23-20 victory over the Utes. Update: Utah's coach still insists his real first name is "Bronco." Horrid, stupid error caught by Bruce Ciskie. Bronco Mendenhall is actually BYU's coach, but he does claim that's his real name. Fifty bucks he's really D.B. Cooper hiding under years of plastic surgery.

ATL Eagle controls the table on the FSU/BC game like Clive Owen in Croupier and goes point for point with Mike Boone from Fanblogs, who doesn't think Boston College stands a chance. Obviously, Bill sees things somewhat differently, but makes no promises about the game, including no guarantee of Boston fans attacking Corso with hot buttered lobsters thrown with great force at the Gameday set when he dons that fucking headdress to pick the 'Noles to win. (Then again, BC fans, you want that to happen this weekend, don't you?)

Finally, lest we forget the South Carolina/Alabama game, Journorock puts on his Miss Cleo caftan and gives us the comprehensive horoscopes for week three. Our favorite, of course:

Florida -- A corpulent enemy will arrive at your door, expecting to steal a win. Punch him in the mouth.

Tell it, sister. Tell it.