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AN ENIGMA WRAPPED IN A RIDDLE CLOAKED BY BAD SUNGLASSES

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We sat breathless with the rest of the nation as we watched at least fifteen minutes of coverage of NFL star Michael Vick eating French Fries with his toadies on the sidelines of the Va. Tech/NC State game, wondering the same things many were wondering: will the three pound rocks hanging in either ear eventually make him an honorary member of the Kayan tribe? Does he bang in his white tee? Does he slang in it, as well? And if he got ketchup on it, would one of the assorted handlers kneel hurriedly in front of him and immediately apply Oxi-clean and water with a spray bottle he keeps in his back pocket?

We weren't the only one wondering a few things while watching the game: Section Six wonders if the Wolfpack's brain trust exists at all, pronouncing the team "crappy knock-offs" of the marauding FSU teams of the '90s as long as NC State continues to play dumb football. StateFansNation says even his daughter knew they were bound for defeat. Sitting here on Thursday, the game still bothers us: the Wolfpack ran their asses off the whole game, hit as hard as any team we saw that weekend, and lost because the boob in the red shoes and his staff consistently put them in tough spots throughout the game. And while we love a little flair, the bad, ZZ Top circa Eliminator glasses have to go Chuck; we know they draw the cameras, but in your case a whole lot of attention for a team that's been misfiring for a year now could prove fatal to your coaching career.

Oakleys? Why doesn't he just wear a sleeveless t-shirt and have the team come out to Loverboy?