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WE GOT MORE LINES THAN LINDSEY LOHAN'S COFFEE TABLE

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I'm a Realist, ever the practical ones, acknowledges the lusts and yens of gamers and men o'fancy everywhere by posting the latest lines here.

Let it roll, sucker: strictly for entertainment purposes...

A few thoughts:

--Surprise! Florida State over Miami by 3. Way to punt, Vegas. We can't see this happening, not in a world of cruel irony and offenses coached by Jeff Bowden. Miami dusts them by ten, fueled by defensive scoring on Miami's part and celebrated with festive dancing and excessive celebration penalties in the grand tradition of UM. Oh, and they'll be a pregame brawl; count on it.

--Auburn over Georgia Tech by 7? Tech to cover, if only because it would be more painful for Chan Gailey to fritter away a late lead with grandmotherly playcalling and lose by three than getting nicked by a mere 7 points--which means that that is exactly what Chan Gailey will do. Ball blows it with a fumble, interception, or improbable combination of the two late in the game, potentially doing both on the same play. Gailey will demur, fiddle with his headset, and pretend to look at his playchart, which is actually an old copy of Reader's Digest tacked to a clipboard.

--Tennessee over UAB by 23. Why the hell not bet the cover? UAB's a tough but overmatched team, offenses typically struggle to find their rhythm in the first game of the season... insert three or four other ludicrous reasons here, since all we're really doing is displaying our man-crush on UAB's Darrell Hackney, the stiff-armingest behemoth under center in the land. He could be as much fun to watch this season as Dave Ragone was with Louisville in his last year, refusing to go down without throwing left hooks at charging blitzers and not sliding once in the face of tacklers screaming toward vulnerable joints and soft tissues with horrifying force.
Take UAB to cover but don't expect to see anything but Darrell Hackney playing the part of a one man rugby scrum for four quarters here, which will be worth the loss of the wager alone.

It'll be fun for a half to watch Darrell Hackney do this to the Vols. Then his kidneys will start bleeding.