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INFORMER! A LICKEY BOOM BOOM RUNDOWN!

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After a dangerous brush with real journalism yesterday, we're devoted to absolute stupidity and short-attention span theater today. Thus our in-title tribute to the greatest rapper Canada has ever produced, Snow, and our totally random-ass rundown of what we're reading this morning in between bouts of real work and caffeine-binging.

-Vernell Brown, who's all of four feet tall, has won the corner job at Florida. He's short, he's already got a degree, he's a nice guy, and has all the cuddly bits the SIDs love to feed to reporters. What the article doesn't mention is his ability to jump like a flea and defend much taller receivers, which would beat our only technique for defending much taller receivers--kicking them in the nuts the instant the ball is snapped. Think Pac-Man Jones with an intellect and without the record and the dookie roll, and you're on the right track.

-Mike Shula mentions the thought of going with two kickers. Why does this sound like catastrophe? Because it's an atrocious idea, or because Brick's the one saying it? We thought the great thing about having a kicker is you have only one flaky ex-soccer player to blame a loss on. Giving the bunker-dwelling sports-sociopathic crowd in Birmingham one more number to call in death threats to just can't be a good thing.

-Nebraska players entangled in steroid ring investigation in Lincoln. Did people always suspect this because of the proximity of people to cows in Lincoln? Like they were just injecting the cows with hormones one day, plugging along, then took one look at the muscular cattle they were turning out and said, "What the fuck?" and plunged away into a waiting vein before immediately walking onto the practice field?

A cow like that will give a strength and conditioning coach ideas. And not like that, pervert.
-Cheatypants Sweatervest has demoted Troy Smith, the catalyst of the Buckeyes' winning run last season, to third-string for a series of off-season gaffes. Still driving the Escalade this week, we guess, though we didn't call the local dealerships to find out the specifics.

-Wyoming's most experienced running back, Ivan Harrison, will be on the sidelines for the first month of the season, including the opener at Florida, rehabbing his rebuilt knee. (Umm, the right one, actually. Almost all running backs have two, unless we're talking about Frank Gore or Herbie "Pogo" Johnson, the great one-legged back from Ole Miss who ran for 893 yards in 1923 despite losing his left leg below the knee in a freak Lindy Hop accident.)

By the way, Trent from Wyoming Blog thinks Glenn is Bama-bound.