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What if we made a whole website and rigged a contest devoted to our quest to have sex with a single girl? Better yet, what if we did all of that for a clone of ten thousand other girls at our local MegaU? A girl who couldn't even make white go-go boots hot? And had the same, eerie, paralyzed botox smile in each picture? And looked like Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks? Wouldn't that be sad? Obsessive? A little creepy?

Southern Fried Football--who stole their name from Tony Barnhart's book-- beat us to it, even including a pic of her in the ubiquitous Ann Taylor black dress. (She's an aspiring broadcast news major! Of course she fucking is!) But don't let that fool you. We don't look down on website cheesecake girls. Far, far from it. In fact, we're looking for our own pom-pom girl for EDSBS, too. Necessary requirements follow:

1. Likes firearms, or at least posing with them.
2. Bears a slight resemblance to Pam Grier, Jennifer Tilly, Pussy Galore, or Ki Toy Johnson.
3. Drinks.
4. Can fill out a pair of hotpants respectably.
5. Likes football, or at least pretends to.

Send applications to

We'd grow a mustache for Pussy Galore.