THE UNSTOPPABLE MARCH OF JAY CUTLER

Jay Cutler continues his inexorable march toward Kiperland with the SEC coaches? pick of first team All-SEC qb. Answer this question, dear reader: what else does he need to get the effervescent hype of a true Kiper pick? Besides playing for a lousy team under impossible circumstances and throwing the deep out well three times in a row? And besides cleaning Mel?s pool a few times sans shirt for the viewing pleasure of Mrs. Kiper? (Is there a Mrs. Kiper? And does she apply the fine shellacking of hair epoxy that keeps Mel?s brain protected from the evil thought rays of Trev Alberts and Bill Polian, as well as from stray bullets? And if so, does she make him hang up the cell phone during sex while he?s chatting up some fourth-rounder OT from Utah State?)