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HP'S BACK ON THE GRIND. WE COME CLEAN.

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Fisking to come, we're sure...but HP's back on his grind re: West Coast teams getting the finesse-ey label, this time calling Matt Hayes in an article we've read a hundred times before: West Coast=finesse, SEC=fast, Big 10=physical, and Big 12=Oklahoma. Rather than hide our semantic subtexts in our arguments, we thought we'd take a minute to review our instant word associations, listed by keyword.

When we say...we really mean
Dennis Erickson..."piss-drunk and behind the wheel"
SEC..."smack a ho, shoot da club up...rims, bourbon"
Big-10..."mysteriously hot and strapping farm girls"
Notre Dame..."The Illuminati"
Big-12..."crystal meth, sandstorms"
Gary Barnett..."total asswipe," "girl"
Pac-10..."teams we don't know a lot about"
MEAC..."black teams we don't know a lot about"
Sun Belt..."the conference full of cupcakes MTSU ruled in when we played them on dynasty mode in NCAA 2004."
ACC..."kids who love Dave Matthews, basketball, Wes Durham"
Bobby Bowden..."Elton John, nepotism, blotchy"
Steve Spurrier..."nose-picking twitchy genius"
Rick Neuheisel..."Bracketology"
University of Miami..."Heyyy We Want Some Pussssayy!, Escalade, guns, Trick Daddy"
USC..."O.J., Alyssa Milano, Heismanpundit"
Michigan..."Captain Ahab, overcast, 9-3"
Phil Fulmer..."fat, obese, man-cans, pumpkin"
Tennessee..."Chee-tos, the Peyton Manning face, jail"
Ohio State..."sweater vest, oatmeal, punch to the face"
Wisconsin..."frostbitten penis"
LSU..."spicy chicken, voodoo, Saban"
BYU..."Mormons, Mormons, Jim McMahon, Mormons"
Vanderbilt..."fancy lads, khaki pants, blocked punt"
Texas..."big hats, beer, firearms, Bevo, firearms"
West Virginia..."buckshot, broken glass, rain, shotgun option, shotguns"
Heisman..."Gino Toretta"
Nebraska..."steroids, disturbing inflatable mascot, doom"