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RANDLE-EL PLEADS GUILTY TO DISORDERLY CONDUCT AND HAVING A CLICHED FIGHT WITH GIRLFRIEND

Marcus Randle-El, 19 year-old wide receiver for the Wisconsin Badgers and, yes, brother of Antwaaaaaaaaan Randle-El, pleads guilty to disorderly conduct in a March shoving indident involving his babymomma and a cell phone registered in another man's name. He'll enroll in a first-time offenders program as part of the deal, hopefully wise to two truths universally recognized:
1. One should never, never shove a woman, and...
2. Having a cell phone in a bad relationship is like tossing a handgun into a room full of toddlers; once someone gets a hold of it, someone's in trouble.