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WYATT SEXTON GROOVY FREAKALICIOUS MARMALADE TAXI CAB UPDATE

According to Warchant, ESPN is now reporting that Wyatt Sexton, prior to his arrest in Tallahassee, had attended the Bonnaroo music festival in Manchester, TN. Why didn't he just say so? We know about hippielicious Bonaroo, having grown up near the area, and freaking out, laying in the street, and proclaiming yourself as divine are common side effects of attending the festival. A simple note pinned to his shirt would have been enough for the police to know: just give him a beer, put on some Allman Brothers, and do your best to mellow him out.

Is this what is looked like inside Wyatt Sexton's head?
It's simultaneously agonizing and amusing reading Warchant on this, by the way, since Wyatt Sexton is doing something a lot of college students do in the course of their four to seven year stay in university life: namely, drugs. We did 'em , but we were lucky enough not to lay down in the middle of the street and get maced by the cops in the course of doing them before getting tossed in the padded pokey to think about what we'd done. (Although we did watch Cabin Boy a few too many times, which in itself is a form of assault.) Frankly, we're kind of astounded at the lack of restraint by Tallahassee police, who have to deal with high people all the time. What could freak someone out on acid/PCP/Freon huffed out of a garbage bag worse than being locked in the psych ward? Why don't you just strap an angry macaque to his face and play Bela Bartok at high volume 'til he depersonalizes and wets his pants in a corner, for fuck's sake. It's like these people haven't seen Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.

See? Even overachieving Asian Ivy Leaguers get high.

Histrionics, we hope, are uncalled for here. He's twenty-something, a college student, and allowed to have pretty much anything he wants. He got it, and it turned out to have really unexpected consequences for him. We can't believe we're going to type these words, but here they go: we hope Bobby Bowden is lenient with him. Seriously. He took drugs and he fucked up. It's not like he forged checks, used his status as a football player to bend the rules, or beat someone in a nightclub just for the hell of it. He's probably not mentally ill. He's probably not flat-out crazy. He just needs a little counseling and a reminder that if you take drugs for three days straight, you'll probably end up acting all Robert Downey Jr-esque in a really public way. Oh, and you might not get to play football for FSU anymore.

But mentally ill? Please. He'd just gotten back from Bonnaroo, where the Dave Matthews Band played a three hour set on Saturday night. We might be delusional just from the boredom of that single show-have you heard the steaming hunk of crap that is "American Baby"?- never mind whatever brain-scrambling serotonin-fizzy Sexton had pulsing through his bloodstream. Sanctimony and draconian punishments are far from appropriate in his case.

We'd be screaming and delusional, too, if we'd sat through three hours of that.