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Tony McDaniel, all 6-7, 295 pounds of him, gets a felony assault indictment for punching a man in the face during a pickup basketball game in January and breaking his face in four places. (Let's put that on the ever-growing list of injuries we'd never want to experience, along with a prolapsed rectum, any kind of compound fracture, and a paper cut on the eyeball.) We know Phil Fulmer won't do anything to upset his players, including advising them not to beat people, steal things, or cheat on exams. But Phil's missing a real myth-making opportunity here: how redneck cool would it be if he went all Buford Pusser in "Walking Tall" with the discipline thing and walked around campus with a big stick, beating the tar out of rules violators in front of horrified student witnesses. You know he could do it-the man could steal a car in broad daylight in downtown Knoxville without a peep from the owner or bystanders. The kids would love it, and it would give us an excuse to go rent the original for the fifty-eighth time.

See? Phil even looks like Joe Don Baker. It would be perfect, guys.