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RICK CLAUSEN TACKLED BY MOTHER EARTH

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Rick Clausen, qb at the University of Tennessee, falls ten feet from a walkway but suffers no injuries. At night. In a college town. In a social setting. On a weekend. Did we mention he's an athlete? With great balance? In a program stung by a string of arrests? We're not implying anything sinister. Hardly-we just imagine he was probably slightly drunk, which is far from slanderous,especially given the fact he's over the legal drinking age and free to drink as much as he likes in his free time. In fact, it would raise his status in our eyes, since most Sunday nights in college we were slightly drunk, too, but certainly not doing anything as decadent and cool as falling off balconies. In comparison, we just sat around playing Goldeneye 'til blood ran from our pupils. Who's living the dream there, eh?

January 25, 1998, 1:46 a.m.: my roommate smokes me for the 26th time that night. I'm the one in the crosshairs of the rocket launcher in the upper right hand corner.