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SLOW NEWS DAY FROM HELL: JEFF HOSTETLER CLOSES BAGEL SHOP

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Yup, Jeff Hostetler closes a bagel shop in West Virginia. That would so make a great name for a "we're not pretentious but we're not a bar band so we're pretentious" indie band, one that sounds like Matchbox 20 without the high production value. (Full disclosure: we're writing this to the sounds of Carly Simon's "You're So Vain." And no, we're not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that...)