clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

HE'S RICK NEUHEISEL AND YOU'RE NOT

Dreamboat/Coach Rick Neuheisel is now officially the luckiest man on the face of the earth, having settled with the University of Washington for 4.5 million dollars in his firing dispute. The most jarring facts of an already bizarre case are:

1. U. of Washington, which is run by Ph.Ds and defended by no-doubt pricey lawyers, fired Neuheisel not for his team's underacheiving performance and his players habits of crashing frat house parties and punching local cops in the face, but for his March Madness office pool. Neuheisel, himself a member of two different bar associations, recognized what crap that is and sued the pants off the university. Point being: put enough people with Ph.Ds in a room with something explosive, and you will either come out with an atomic bomb, or be blown up in the process of making one. U-Dub got the second result, and it cost them the equivalent of a down payment on a Gulfstream private jet.

2. Neuheisel's hair, though thinning, was cleared of any wrong doing and remains buoyant, well-conditioned, and optimistic for the future.

Young Rick: also the bassist for Loverboy?
3. If Ty Willingham gets another premature axe for being 7-5 and black, there's no wayyyy the University will get away with it without a lawsuit. Which means Willingham gets at least four years, or the Huskies should just keep David Boies on retainer indefinitely. Oh, and having UW donor Bill Gates' army of killer robots ready and waiting to crush a swarming bloodthirsty media wouldn't hurt, either.
4. Neuheisel's dreamboat life will continue uninterrupted. He'll find the hundred dollar bill on the ground, get a free lap dance, win the lottery, and drive a car that's both stylish, affordable, and sporty with hands at the ten and two positions. At night he'll dry his tears of joy with his piles of excess cash while you watch basic cable and dread work the next day. What's the point? He's Rick Neuheisel, and you're not. And don't forget it.