Stranko Montana, our correspondent in Gainesville and our satellite offices in Yeehaw Junction, brings us his weekly confession o' obsession.
This week's case concerns recruiting, which is to college football what internet porn is to actual sex. A pale substitute for the real thing where no one ever peaks too early...
He writes, with requisite snark provided by the editor:
I say this with a mixture of pride and shame but.... I am a recruitnik. After the bowl season is over, I am so starved for the fix of following my alma mater that I get completely wrapped up in the soap opera we call recruiting. While I'm perusing the message boards for rumors I can't get over the intrinsic absurdity of it all. Now that signing day has come and gone, I can step back and wonder how is it that grown men and women can get sucked in to this. I don't really know these kids, whether they are leaders, a good fit for our program, or actually run a sub 4.2 40, but strangely I feel like I do. The questions are, is this healthy? Do I need to stop and get a life? Where do I, as a recruitnik, rank on the list of people who should need to find more productive hobbies, which include, in no certain order:
1. That guy who takes his softball league a little too seriously.
2. The 40+ year old at Gold's gym who grunts loudly while lifting and flexes for the mirrors.
3. That 21 year old dork who goes to the high school party hoping the chicks think he's cool because he's in college (even if its junior college)(We were in a bad place, man. Don't hate, create. Didn't get us any, anyway...)
4. People who are still busting out their metal head gear for the Crue reunion tour... Rock on Vince Neil!
5. Anyone who takes a wine appreciation class.
6. The incredibly tan octagenarian who wears a banana hammock on the beach.We object. That is totally going to be us one day, and we'll strut it like we've got it. You're just envious of our coming freedom.
7. Men with really long hair.
8. The people who feel the need to make a witty remark in response to the on screen action at the movie theater. Yes Costanza, I'm talking about you ("Had to hurt!")
9. People who actually subscribe to People, or US Weekly or any of those other rags that should only be purchased on impulse at the check out line.