BLATANT HOMERISM: GEORGIA SOUTHERN

Michael Chang

IN THE BEGINNING IT IS ALWAYS DARK

[A ROAR, THEN NOTHING.]

Albert: Why is it so dark?

Empress Swampchild: In the beginning it is always dark.

Albert_252520moonchild_jpg_medium

Albert: What is that? Molly?

Empress Swampchild: No. It is one grain of sand. It is all that remains of my vast empire.

Albert: Football has totally disappeared?

Empress Swampchild: Yes.

Albert: Then everything has been in vain.

Empress Swampchild: No, it hasn't. Football can arise in you. In your dreams and wishes, Albert.

Albert: How?

Empress Swampchild: Open your hand.

She places the last remaining grain of football in his hands.

Empress Swampchild: What are you going to wish for ?

Albert: A Call of Duty edition Jeep Wrangler.

Empress Swampchild: [blank stare]

Albert: Sorry. It's been a long season. Shit, I don't know.

Empress Swampchild: Then there will be no Football any more.

Albert: How many wishes do I get?

Empress Swampchild: As many as you want. And the more wishes you make, the more magnificent Football will become.

Albert: Really?

Empress Swampchild: Try it.

Albert: Then my first wish is...

Albert_252520falcor_jpg_medium

[soaring Giorgio Moroder music]

Percy Harv-cor: Do you like it, Albert?

Albert: PERCY, IT'S BEAUTIFUL! THERE IS A TOUCHDOWN OVER THERE!

Percy Harv-cor: More than one of them!

Albert: And look! Completed pass! And a game without personal fouls! HELLO GAME WITHOUT PERSONAL FOULS!

Percy Harv-cor: ROAAAAAAARRGGHHHH----

[the scene goes black]

[Albert wakes up in his squalid bedroom. He checks his phone.]

Albert: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Join Every Day Should Be Saturday

You must be a member of Every Day Should Be Saturday to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Every Day Should Be Saturday. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker