LET'S NOT ASSUME ANYTHING ABOUT BOBBY PETRINO

There are plenty of reasons why you should give the benefit of the doubt to Bobby Petrino here. First, you can give a motorcycle ride to anyone for fun. Jack Nicholson rode on the back of Peter Fonda's motorcycle in Easy Rider. Clyde rode on the back of a motorcycle with a human in Every Which Way But Loose. Chloe Sevigny was on the back of Vincent Gallo's bike in Brown Bunny. It doesn't mean anything!

(All of these people were having sex with each other, including the great ape.)

Maybe he was just dropping her off, or planning to kill her, or was preparing to sell her Sheikh Rick Majerus from Taken. They're all way easier to explain to the Arkansas fanbase than whatever you're assuming, which is irresponsible, bad and---

[SOUND OF WHITE NOISE AND BACON FRYING]

4mjnn_medium

SILENCE

WE ARE HAWGNONYMOUS.

WE ARE LEGION.

WE ART HELLA RILED-UP.

COACH PETRINO IS INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.

BUT SHIT BOBBY NICE GOIN'--



WE GOT TO GET SOME MONSTER ENERGY DRINK

AND SOME PIZZA.

WE ARE HAWGNONYMOUS

FOIA TILL WE DROP AND IT DON'T STOP COME ON--

Trust us. This is in the hands of trained professionals now. Shouts out to the Arkansas Times for publishing the whole report, though, including the home phone numbers of all concerned. Change your number now, Mrs. Dorrell, and then change it again in five minutes when LSU fans get a hold of it. Then burn down your house, leave the state, and go to work for Ole Miss.

As for Bobby Petrino, we'd tell him to leave in the middle of the night, but he's proficient in that already.

PS. #NolanRichardson4ArkansasFootball

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