News moving fast is here. Meanwhile, Gene Chizik would like to have a word with you, recruit.
Hey. Recruit. HEY.
We say "All In" a lot at Auburn. This ain't just talkin', son. I went all-in to this HVAC duct to talk to you one last time. I had to go through the living room to get here. Was that real teak? Well, I usually have to fake being impressed, but I am truly impressed. It looks like slaughtered an entire rain forest to get one living room of quality material. Is your father a recruiting coordinator in the SEC West? He already understands how this process works, it seems. He should consider a career switch.
You also have a family of bats in your attic. I'm gonna need some shots in the next day or two. I only know one man who survived rabies, and that was Ted Roof. "Alive" may be a debatable term there. Forget I said it.
I just want to remind you Auburn is a family. You know who else is a family? The fine people at Clark & Son AC Repair. With over 75 years in the Auburn, Alabama area servicing air conditioners and cooling essentials, they taught us a valuable lesson: crawl through any duct necessary to keep your family intact. I'd also like to thank Golden Flake Yellawood Coca-Cola Kroger and Nations Bank for getting me here.
I may be stuck. Please send Curtis Luper and the jaws of life. If you do not have the jaws of life, please send Brian Van Gorder. He can probably chew through this vent as long as we tell him there's another job in it.
Trooper. TROOPER. CODE BOWDEN. WE HAVE A CODE BOWDEN. ENGAGE CONTINGENCY PLAN FOR COVERT LAST-MINUTE RECRUITING PITCH. REPEAT: ENGAGE THE FICUS PROTOCOL.
THAT'S MY DAWG I'M UP IN THIS FICUS TREE HOLLERIN' AT YOU.
YOU DON'T HAVE NO SPIDERS UP IN THIS PIECE DO YOU?
CAUSE TROOPER IS DEFINITELY NOT HOLLERIN' AT NO SPIDERS.