PISTOL PETE'S TEARWORTHY MOMENTS

Jamie Squire

IF AJ MCCARRON'S GONNA CRY, WE MIGHT AS WELL ASK AN EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT

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Lot a things a man can be sad about in this world. Not many a them worth a tear. No mascot's seen more terror than the haunted eyes of Pistol Pete, so we asked him what a man can cry about.

1. When your prize whore goes a swimmin' in the great dirt lake on account of the Texan pox.

2. If'n your favorite gun dies.

3. Once every winter when the prairie wind blows past a cold lonely moon with the coyotes singin' a song a heartbreak and loneliness.

4. Kin falls in well.

5. The playin' a too much defense what offends the pioneer sensibilities of open range and freedom.

6. Killin' a man for the first time, and first time only. Havin' to kill a man twice just gets to be irritatin', what with doin' the same job twice.

7. If yer pa dies, but only if it was committed in the course of a land tussle.

8. When you shoot the man what shot yer pa, but take care. Tears of rage only here.

9. Ne'er between the ages of 15 and 55.

10. After watchin' Moulin Rouge. Judge me if'n you wanna, stranger. I'm not prone to carin' about much. Painted ladies got the only copy of the map of a cowboy's heart.

11. Stubbin' yer toe on a skull, particularly if it's Chief Running Bear's giant boulder of a noggin.

12. Reachin' after a whiskey bottle a-floatin' down the stream after a wagon turns over in the ford and pullin' out a worthless child instead.

13. When ridin' a short-legged mule whilst sufferin' from the piles.

14. Gettin' weakling cityman's blood on yer fine shirt after shootin' another bastard from the bank.

15. After receivin' The Good Lord's Salvation in a time of need. (Pistol Pete note; is laudanum administered after vicious horse kicking. It hurts, but it's better'n dead, which is what the horse if you do it right.)

16. The city of Ames, Iowa. Naught but tears there for a man.

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