FULMER CUP 2012: THIS DOES NOT COUNT
by Spencer Hall on Jan 12, 2012 11:32 AM EST
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PrintWe wish this counted. After all, there is a special glory in getting the first arrest of the season, like getting the first quail of the hunt, or the first candy bar of the adolescent shoplift.* It would also mark a proper start to the tenure of Urban Meyer at Ohio State, a tenure that if is anything like his Florida career will be successful, exciting, relatively short, and marked by a plague of small arrests for weed, driving stupidity, and maybe the occasional DUI.
It may be a bet early yet to credit The Meyer Effect for the arrest of Dominic Clarke for three driving-related offenses including OVI. TME has barely had time to sink in at Columbus, and should take some time to take hold, but more importantly Dominic Clarke's poor decision-making predates Meyer's arrival. Remember that Clarke was arrested for discharging a BB gun outside a restaurant in Columbus this past fall in the saddest incident of keepin' it real we have ever seen. Don't make me go to the trunk and make me get the street sweeper! Exfoliator! Whatever!
So as exciting as this would be, it does not count as the incident happened before the January 9th Fulmer Cup Kickoff. Hold out hope, though: as long as there are bags of shake and a few ill-advised scooter rides in play, Ohio State can still kick off the festivities appropriately.
*A formal tradition in Pennsylvania and the Mid-Atlantic
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Time will tell....
Maybe Urban can win something in the preseason since the postseason isn’t on the table.
Text from my (male) former college roommate: "So glad we won! Unfortunately, we will not be able to make it [to Miami]. GO TIGERS!!! PS – Don’t tell [my wife], but I’m pregnant…it’s Dabo’s!"
by RubTheRock on Jan 12, 2012 11:37 AM EST reply actions 1 recs
So critical
that Meyer wasn’t able to lure Huntley Johnson to Ohio with him.
Team Speed Kills -- SBNation's SEC Blog
If you're so inclined, follow me @Year2
OVI?
Is that like DUI using those funny Latin characters they seem to love to put on granite buildings?
by ssladler on Jan 12, 2012 11:41 AM EST reply actions 3 recs
I thought that was one of those things that made the wimmenz differents from menz.
Text from my (male) former college roommate: "So glad we won! Unfortunately, we will not be able to make it [to Miami]. GO TIGERS!!! PS – Don’t tell [my wife], but I’m pregnant…it’s Dabo’s!"
by RubTheRock on Jan 12, 2012 11:44 AM EST up reply actions 3 recs
Same here.
I had to look up what OVI meant because I couldn’t figure out what eggs had to do with driving.
"If you can't always do right, you can always do what's left"
OVI is DUI
The state legislature wanted it to cover more than just driving- I think it’s technically illegal to sit in the front seat with the radio on if you’re intoxicated.
My loyal heart avows no other.
"While you may not give a shit, @mlebowski313 is an unstoppable force of nature [at Words With Friends]" -T-Jax
Yep
My loyal heart avows no other.
"While you may not give a shit, @mlebowski313 is an unstoppable force of nature [at Words With Friends]" -T-Jax
I think there was a long EDSBS discussion on this
Seems like in a number of states that simply being in a car while drunk can garner some sort of charge.
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on Jan 12, 2012 12:23 PM EST up reply actions
If the keys are in the ignition, your are considered to be "operating the vehicle"
Wisconsin has different distinctions for OWI (operating while intoxicated), DUI (Driving under the influence) and DWI (Driving while intoxicated) depending on the county.
"Well they can't test for LSD, so I started frying on weekends"
It recently happened in Indiana.
A woman was drunk and wanted to go to a friend’s house, so she got a designated sober driver to take her. The driver was pulled over for something (speeding? busted taillight?) and when the cop noticed the drunk lady in the passenger seat, she got cited for Public Intox, on the grounds that the vehicle is a public space. I think it’s being appealed.
A sassy, brassy, classy lassy.
by LoneStarHoosier on Jan 12, 2012 12:51 PM EST up reply actions
Fine Indiana police work, as usual.
Now we cater to money men, white wine drinkers and other assorted wimps.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jan 12, 2012 1:20 PM EST up reply actions
With sleuthing like that...he'll get promoted to the Joyce Center parking lot beat in record time!
If BIG LOUIS NIX was a Mississippi Blues Man, he'd be Jellyroll T-Bone McPorkchop, ‘cuz he's all meat, with just a little bit of sweet.
Jonathan Toews will eat your baby if it means two points.
Viva El Churro! El Churro lo ve todo!
I believe we all decided the "lock the keys in the glove box and sleep in the backseat" plan is best for avoiding those bullshit charges.
Chairwoman of the "Blood Is Thicker Than Tuition Money" Committee for Fan Bigamy
OVOXO???
Drake would be proud.
FSU back-2-back state champs!! 52-14
by CashvilleNole on Jan 12, 2012 1:32 PM EST up reply actions
Ohio's just trying to be fancy and different, kinda like Louisiana.
You and I both know that those are counties, Louisiana.
Witty phrase.
by The Ugas Departed on Jan 12, 2012 1:01 PM EST up reply actions
They do have a strong car culture there in Columbus.
TME may permeate & blossom in that arena of small-timey criminality faster than, say, dope related offenses.
The weed may catch up when the various dope-men get their supply chains ordered correctly.
Well hello there hangover. Fancy meeting you here this bright Thursday morning.
by Cranked_Irish on Jan 12, 2012 11:48 AM EST reply actions 1 recs
PAAAAWWWWLLLL, THEM YANKEES BEEN TRYING TO CHEEEET, PAAAWWWWLLL!
THEY BEEN TRYING TO GET A HEAD START ON THIS HERE FUL-MAR CUP. IT’S BAMA’S DES-TI-NEE TO WIN, AIN’T IT, PAWL?! IMMA HANG UP AND LISTEN, NOW.
Live to fly!
Go Gators!
Patience, grasshoppers
A journey of a thousand miles Fulmer Cup points begins with one small step citation
https://twitter.com/#!/SpartanKC
Theoretically
How many points would an OSU player get for throwing cups of urine at opposing fans? In the off season of course.
by SEC Supremacist on Jan 12, 2012 12:19 PM EST reply actions
Those were Penn State fans, who threw them at Ohio State fans...
My loyal heart avows no other.
"While you may not give a shit, @mlebowski313 is an unstoppable force of nature [at Words With Friends]" -T-Jax
Damn. Still, what would the point be for a player doing so?
by SEC Supremacist on Jan 12, 2012 12:22 PM EST up reply actions
Probably 2 and a bonus,
but that’s just a guess- could be more, depending on what the DA ended up charging them with.
My loyal heart avows no other.
"While you may not give a shit, @mlebowski313 is an unstoppable force of nature [at Words With Friends]" -T-Jax
Brings up another question
Peeing in the great outdoors in some states makes one a sex offender. However, this is greatly different than rape/sodomy/aggying/etc. Still worth 5 pts?
by SEC Supremacist on Jan 12, 2012 12:26 PM EST up reply actions
Well, given that there have been issues with this in real life
We must simply adhere to the letter of the Fulmer Cup rules
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on Jan 12, 2012 12:28 PM EST up reply actions
Yeah. It's a shame.
However getting into every tiny criminal charge kind of violates the premise of the fulmer cup.
by SEC Supremacist on Jan 12, 2012 12:31 PM EST up reply actions
OSU plays home games in Estadio Azteca now?
by Mango Stasi on Jan 12, 2012 12:21 PM EST up reply actions
Wouldn't that be.........................
San Diego State
/yeahhhhhhhh
//shows self out
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on Jan 12, 2012 12:22 PM EST up reply actions
So I just saw an ad for "Ink Master"
Speaking as someone who has gone out of my way to get a tattoo from the closest thing there is to “superstar tattoo artists.” This leaves me with two questions:
1) Remember when Dave Navarro was a respected musician and not a complete fame whore?
2) Who the hell agrees to get a tattoo from someone in a reality competition?
"Well they can't test for LSD, so I started frying on weekends"
YOU. I mustache you a question about New Glarus.
Pasteurized or not? I may have a bootlegger willing to transport Spotted Cow, et al to Iowa if it can be transported without refrigeration.
"I have never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing." Prince Phillip
Pretty sure it is.
At the very least, I’ve never had any problems with it over any kind of distance.
Yes, all of their beers are "flash pasteurized" in the European style
New Glarus has pressed charges against bootleggers before, so be careful not to “import” so much as to be noticeable.
"Well they can't test for LSD, so I started frying on weekends"
It'll be six or 12 bottles whenever said student is coming to Iowa - at the most no more than once a quarter.
I figure I’m okay.
"I have never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing." Prince Phillip
I guess I will continue to play the part of Orrin Hatch to the Fulmer Cup's BCS.
For all but less than 200 beefy dudes each year, the offseason begins well before January 9th. It begins after your last game. A lot of guys find themselves with no practice the day after Thanksgiving and nothing but the weight room to keep them from building a trebuchet and mounting a seige of the local strip club with bags of dog shit and water balloons filled Jell-o.
In light of this glaring omission, I am pleased to announce the 2012 Bill Lynch Invitational, a pre-season Fulmer Cup-style exhibition tournament for members of non-bowl teams only, running from immediately after each team’s last game, through the night of the Mythical National Championship game. Scoring will be the same as that of the Fulmer Cup.
While the results of the tournament ultimately don’t count, I think it’s clear that the tradition, pageantry, and passion of the kids for the sport is what is really important here.
The Bill Lynch Invitational is proudly sponsored by Turfman’s All-Purpose Shag Oil. Whether for your hair, your carpet, your sheepdog, or your lady, we hope you’ll choose Turfman’s.
A sassy, brassy, classy lassy.
by LoneStarHoosier on Jan 12, 2012 1:02 PM EST reply actions 2 recs
I could get behind this.
All charges after a player’s team has finished their season should count.
Live to fly!
Go Gators!
Much as you get a free pass on the last day before the season starts...
… I think these young men who sucked too hard to get a bowl game deserve a few days/weeks/a month of mayhem.
Witty phrase.
by The Ugas Departed on Jan 12, 2012 1:14 PM EST up reply actions
Well, it's not like they get off scot free now (save your jokes for the end, please).
It would just count for the Cup. Instead of just having players get arrested and not getting any recognition.
Live to fly!
Go Gators!
The participants in the BCS should get an equal opportunity in the Fulmer Cup, though.
After all, what if some other team had a head start last year? Auburn may not have been able to lay claim to their historic Switzer Slam.
Just kidding, they totally would have still won.
Witty phrase.
by The Ugas Departed on Jan 12, 2012 1:45 PM EST up reply actions
A possible variation to the rules: bowl teams become eligible after their bowl games.
This way, the non-bowl teams are still heavily favored with the most time for mayhem, but middling 7-5 squads aren’t excluded as they celebrate the fact of their finishing just above .500 and staring down winter and the immutable fact of their own mortalit…um, I mean, the offseason. Yes. The offseason.
A sassy, brassy, classy lassy.
by LoneStarHoosier on Jan 12, 2012 1:30 PM EST up reply actions
Eh, maybe not. I like the original idea better, upon reflection. Non-bowl teams only.
Embodies the spirit of Bill Lynch.
A sassy, brassy, classy lassy.
by LoneStarHoosier on Jan 12, 2012 2:03 PM EST up reply actions
The real problem here is equal opportunity
Are you suggesting that this is like golf handicapping, where worse teams on the field ought to get a proportionally better chance to score points? I have to disagree — the only way to have a fair contest is for everyone to be eligible to score for the same amount of time.
Peace through Speeches
by My real name is Dick Whitman on Jan 12, 2012 1:38 PM EST up reply actions
The system is already handicapped toward the better teams. There is no equal opportunity.
And we’re not talking about adding this to the Fulmer Cup. This is an exhibition tournament initially designed for non-bowl performers whose seasons end in late November, and find themselves with nothing to do just as it’s getting cold, the holidays roll around, and schools go on break. The potential for mayhem may well be much higher than the real Fulmer Cup season.
This is something I am interested in doing next year with FanPosts. I It has and will have nothing to do with the actual Fulmer Cup other than the scoring rules and the spirit. If people don’t like it, they don’t have to read or participate in any way.
A sassy, brassy, classy lassy.
by LoneStarHoosier on Jan 12, 2012 1:53 PM EST up reply actions
It would be like the pre-season NIT.
A good amusement until real competition starts.
College sports are to college what genital warts are to genitals. -- Fake Dan Beebe
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
Absolutely.
A sassy, brassy, classy lassy.
by LoneStarHoosier on Jan 12, 2012 1:56 PM EST up reply actions
PAAAAAAWWWWWLLLLLL.
If’n these Yankees could pile up Fulmer points with ESS-EEE-CEE speed, they wouldn’t need a head start.
College sports are to college what genital warts are to genitals. -- Fake Dan Beebe
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
by DevilGrad on Jan 12, 2012 1:51 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
I know you didn't just call me a Yankee, son.
Texas-born, Texas-raised, and only currently residing in the frozen north.
A sassy, brassy, classy lassy.
by LoneStarHoosier on Jan 12, 2012 1:57 PM EST up reply actions
Living in Indiana will slow a man down
If the frigid temperatures don’t get you, the ranch diet will.
College sports are to college what genital warts are to genitals. -- Fake Dan Beebe
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
And a woman too, right LSH?
My loyal heart avows no other.
"While you may not give a shit, @mlebowski313 is an unstoppable force of nature [at Words With Friends]" -T-Jax
That's right.
A sassy, brassy, classy lassy.
by LoneStarHoosier on Jan 12, 2012 2:13 PM EST up reply actions
X
College sports are to college what genital warts are to genitals. -- Fake Dan Beebe
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
It's kind of like the Blue-Grey Game of assholery
Handbags at dawn, sirrah.
by ChocolateCity on Jan 12, 2012 3:13 PM EST up reply actions
Yep. It ought to be at least more amusing than the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl.
A sassy, brassy, classy lassy.
by LoneStarHoosier on Jan 12, 2012 3:25 PM EST up reply actions
The Spider Closet needs more players!
Come join the trivia fun against the best EDSBS has to offer – and then me and the rest of us.
“It’s better than a command module full of dead Kerbals!” — Unnamed EDSBS poster
“The last time I had this much fun, I had to clean up a LOT.” — Craig James, alleged candidate for U.S. Senative
"I have never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing." Prince Phillip
oh this is going to be addicting
"Lopez wants it away, and it's hit deep to left center, Andruw Jones on the run, this one has a chance... home run!, Mike Piazza!, and the Mets lead 3 to 2!"
"weed, driving stupidity, and maybe the occasional DUI"
theft, (dead girl’s) credit card fraud, firing off a Soviet assault rifle in traffic, aggravated stalking… you know, no biggie. Just make sure they’re back in for the Cocktail Party and it’s all good.
by Grib on Jan 12, 2012 3:24 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
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