THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/28/2011

SWAG OUT GUNDY. SWAG THE FUCK OUT WITH YOUR BAD SELF.

The longer the Gundy era gets, the more we become convinced that Gundy is the kind of cranky dude who spends 95% of your time with him pointing out things you should be doing better, and being matter-of-fact and icy about it, and then takes the other 5% to break down in tears telling you how much you mean to him and occasionally breaking out into freakball "Shawty Swing My Way" dancing for the delight of his 20 year old players. Keep an eye on Hubert Anyiam, who beholds Gundy's celebratory dancing, and then points to the sky like, "Man, Jesus, we did it. We got Mike Gundy to do the rabbit-in-the-hat trick. Thank you, my Lord and Savior." 

(BTW, the dude crying is Glenn Spencer, OK State co-defensive coordinator who worked the game despite losing his wife to a heart condition last week. Life happens all at once and contains no editing.) 

WE ARE TERRIFIED OF HIM TOO. Matt Barkley receives a reprimand from the Pac-12 for saying Arizona State linebacker and killing robot Vontaze Burfict was a dirty player, and now it is official that everyone up to and including Larry Scott is terrified of him.

MMM MORE DELICIOUS BOWL CORRUPTION. Our favorite detail from further documentation of non-profit bowls ballin' like for-profit corporations comes from the Orange Bowl, who mistakenly thought this would earn the favor of a certain ACC team.

There were other gifts as well. For example, in 2008, 2009 and 2010, the Orange Bowl sent boxes of stone crabs to Georgia Tech, which played in the 2010 Orange Bowl. The Orange Bowl declined to discuss the gift or whether it was sent to other schools.

Paul Johnson looked at the box of crabs, walked out in a huff carrying the box, and set them free on campus. "Go home. Stop wasting my time, crabs, and come back when you can read the defensive end properly." The crabs, slowly suffocating, looked up and anxiously clicked their claws. The birds' eyes beamed. The dumpster cats surrounded them, licking their chops.  The sun stared indifferently down upon them.

MIKE SLIVE WOULD LIKE TO SEE A MAXIMUM OF EIGHT SEC TEAMS IN THE BCS. That limit of two teams in the BCS per conference is something Mike Slive would like to do away with, and if Mike Slive is gently suggesting a butter pat appear on his bread, that butter pat has a way of appearing on Mike Slive's bread.

THIS MAY INDEED NOT BE YOUR CLEMSON.  A Clemson team that plays solid offense, timely defense, and field position is nothing even close to what we could consider a Clemson team, but that is apparently what we are looking at for the first time in ages. That is of course exactly when Clemson would resume being Clemson, but Gobbler Country and Shakin' The Southland discuss the current trend anyway, which is really the only responsible thing to do unless your sporing world is haunted by ghosts, superstitions, and random bits of nonsensical belief. [raises hand]

IT IS THAT IMPORTANT. To combat the hordes of invisible Rutgers fans, Syracuse is opening the Carrier Dome to students for free on Saturday.

GOD HATES BUCKEYES. Bro, picket the Buckeyes, and you clearly want a fistful of steroid power for lunch followed by a holy Luke Fickell triangle choke.

ETC. Totally true things about Twitter. Guy on a Buffalo finds a free baby in the woods. Awesome!  It is Larry Munson's birthday today, so go outside and break someone's nose with a hobnailed boot in his honor. Seriously, if someone tells you something is not masculine, punch them in the fucking face, because cookies are delicious and Miller Lite is liquid pig shit in a can. Hipster paramedics are standing by.

AFTER THE JUMP: Mike Gundy in reverse is actually better than Gundy in real time.

Gundy_get_down_reverse_medium

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