Jon Gruden has interviewed many of the top prospects coming from college football into the pros before tonight's NFL draft. Let's review the highlights, starting with the best moment from his interview with Iowa QB Ricky Stanzi.
Stanzi. Stanzimerican. Rick The American Dick With the QB Tricks. Captain Patriotpants.
That's right sir. This dick does nothing but American tricks.
Would you make love to every American state?
If my coach wanted me to, sir.
STANZAC DAY IN WELLINGTON! Get a grip, man. Get a grip. Even Nevada?
I love America, coach. That includes Nevada last I looked.
I think you're wrong on that, but whatever Perfesser. Let's see how smart you are. GET ON THAT BOARD AND SHOW ME SOMETHING. What do you like, Ricky Stanzi? What plays really get you going? What color is attack? How would you do if you hit a bunch of those highway barriers head-on driving a bobsled? What's an edible sound? What land mammal would look best in a tanga cut panty? And you can't say Hippo, because that's too obvious. Get a load of the thickness on THOSE GUYS. You'll see what I mean.
Let's see your dance card, Sarah Dancerman.
That's my dance card, Coach. Everything else is somewhere between my ass and Iowa State, and you can kiss one and fuck the other--and only in that respective order, sir.