FULMER CUPDATE: FOUR KINDS OF TASED
by Spencer Hall on Mar 2, 2011 4:07 PM EST
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PrintThe Big Board is brought to you by Brian. Did you see the sun today? Thank him and Reggie Nelson for not blocking it with their immense members. This is a busy update. Please prepare for ADDulation like nothing else you'll see on a standard offseason Wednesday.
ENOUGH WITH YOUR FUZZY ROSTERING. Pitt has a lineman tased four times, and suddenly we're all making clear that he's a former lineman? Technically we can only award points to guys the school in question recognizes as being on the team, but enough with the bullshit surrounding teams' walk-ons, various endangered species of sketchy, half-on, half-off stragglers, and other assorted cast members who can work out with the team, angle for spots at spring practice, and otherwise allow for flaunting of rules surrounding roster size.
Oh, we hear you. "He's not on the team!" And yet there's a PItt football player at the scene saying this:
A man who said he was on the team with Mr. Diaz told him to "shut his mouth" and accept the citation for being publicly drunk, cautioning him that former Pitt Head Coach Dave Wannstedt was not there any more and new coach Todd Graham would make an example of him.
He's not going to be on the team after this, though the ability to sit and growl while glowing with electricity bodes well for his future prospects of playing Blanka in any upcoming Street Fighter films. (Chris Klein is ready when you are.) And in a special instance, we will grant this former, most-definitely-not-playing-football-football-player the full sum of Fulmer Cup points, because to hell with your football guest worker programs.
The public drunkenness, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, underage drinking and obstruction of a highway charges (yes, obstruction of a highway, a charge an offensive lineman is really only capable of earning) are five points, and with the bonus point for getting tased FOUR TIMES Pitt receives a total of six points in the Fulmer Cup. No one's catching UVA, but just in case Pitt's dumb enough to try we'll address the issue of former/not-former lineman
The rest of the scoring is updated in speedy fashion after the jump.
KENTUCKY IS CARELESS ON THE MOTORWAY. Wildcats defensive tackle Mark Crawford was hit with careless driving, driving on a suspended license, and driving without insurance, and Mark Richt is totally encouraging you to transfer to Athens, son. But hey, nice shirt, bro! (We're serious. We'd probably wear that.)
Three points total for all three misdemeanors, and no bonus points for shirt-power.
DUI, VPI. A garden variety two point DUI for VT's Lyndell Gibson seems kind of drab in this update, but not everyone enjoys riding the lightning in the middle of the Pittsburgh streets.
AUBURN FAMILY (violence.) Eric Smith is technically no longer part of the Auburn football team after the week, but the repeat offender was on the team when he was arrested for a domestic violence charge. The third degree felony domestic violence charges, repeat offender bonus, and hitting girls bonus get Smith and by extension Auburn a total of five points.
CORRECTION: The charges against Smith are misdemeanor-level, so three points is the correct tally here. Our apologies.
WASHINGTON STATE GETS SLAPPY, TOO. Felony charges of domestic assault and the hitting girls bonus earn the Cougs four more points in the Fulmer Cup. If anyone has a prayer of catching UVA, it's the battle-tested squad from the Palouse. (Brent Musburger read that sentence, and then doubled down on his wager on the Cougs covering the spread.)
OKLAHOMA STILL INSISTS THAT WAS A SPICE GRINDER. One point for weed, and no, still not buying the "Oregano afficionado" line, sir.
INDIANA (Note): We can't issue any points due to a lack of filed charges, but to the eagle-eyed readers who pointed out IU running back Darius Willis' protective order, thanks and we will monitor.
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Repeated tasings necessary for containment?
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Clever Pitt.
by Run Home Jack on Mar 2, 2011 4:10 PM EST reply actions 11 recs
Nice.
RELEASE THE KRAKEN! (Greg Hardy)
The Official Blaine Gabbert Bandwagon Starts Here!™
Follow me on Twitter!
by RjTheMetalhead on Mar 2, 2011 5:57 PM EST up reply actions
aaaaaaaaaaaaand green
...i'm not falling asleep; i'm just fading to black...
by Boozy McHound on Mar 2, 2011 8:00 PM EST up reply actions
I'm never getting that song out of my head all day.
and I HATE Taco Bell.
"'I wish to hell God would stop trying to make me a better person." - T.J. Lambert
Good idea by Taco Bell to have the "4 times the steak" guy wear a fake 'stache in the commercial
to keep him from being recognized in real life and subsequently gorillastomped.
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Mar 2, 2011 4:22 PM EST up reply actions
Considering he had his own Comedy Central show and now has a bit role in Taco Bell commercials
I think he’ll be safely anonymous.
by Torgo's Executive Powder on Mar 2, 2011 4:24 PM EST up reply actions
Ironically, I would like it
if anyone who has ever worked on a Taco Bell commercial got four kinds of tased. /igotyour12%signaturereciperighthere
Voodoo Five - South Florida Bulls SBN Blog
The Toughest Blog in America
I aprove tasing Carolla
only because it will result in hours and hours of new bitching about cops rants.
Also includes Joe Girardi and Mo Rivera.
APPROVE.
Voodoo Five - South Florida Bulls SBN Blog
The Toughest Blog in America
by Jamie DeVriend on Mar 2, 2011 7:52 PM EST up reply actions
Wait! That includes Shaq
#awesome #shaq #electricboogie
Auburn in 5th, perfect striking distance to land a title
only to be eventually undone by Arkansas, Georgia or Mississippi St.
You will know me by my name: Tiger. War Eagle. Plainsmen. CHAMPION!
Dean of Auburn Institute for Exploding Dog Studies
Though to be fair
Eric is only charged with a misdemeanor and this is his first domestic charge. His last time he hit a guy (though obviously not a very tough one).
Do we know it was a woman yet?
Domestic violence encompasses any violence perpetrated between those living under the same roof. So, in theory, it could be his roommate in the current case.
My only argument is you're stupid.
by boddagettaflyer on Mar 2, 2011 8:27 PM EST up reply actions
Arky is coming to get us...
and they have the talent to bring this one home!
"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubblegum."
CNN/SI
Football is a violent sport played by violent men….groundbreaking work guys. If they start doing background checks on recruits the prison population will probably increase by 10%, but we probably won’t be so worried about concussions anymore!
"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubblegum."
how would doing checks on records
(something that already happened) affect the prison population?
Stupid Llamas!.
by otisnixon'sparty on Mar 4, 2011 3:01 PM EST up reply actions
I assume he meant that background checks would lead to those with a criminal past not getting a scholarship
since they wouldn’t have football to occupy their time, they will escalate their criminality and end up in prison.
"What Would Jesus Do? You're damn right he'd do a wheelie" ~ Daniel Tosh
Florida is not too high on the board...
…yet. Coach Boom has instilled the chair smashing fear in them.
Twitter.com/SenatorGiggity
Georgia is no where to be found.
Getting charges dropped saves the Gators every time.
I don't have time for any of this... and yet... here I am. I feel like Wiley E. Bulldog-y.
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Mar 2, 2011 5:25 PM EST up reply actions
The Houston Nutt Musical Hour
Floooor Towns to Snaaaaape!
by Torgo's Executive Powder on Mar 2, 2011 4:23 PM EST reply actions
Tazed 4 times? Color me impressed.
I’ve seen a guy get it twice, and he crumpled like a marionette with cut strings on the 2nd jolt. 4 tazes – that’s finishing the drill, son!
Ceterum autem censeo, Iowa esse delendam.
by Spartan D on Mar 2, 2011 4:27 PM EST reply actions 2 recs
Check out the "Coaches' Death Match"
. . . running feature from the 2006 off-season.
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2006/01/26/coaches-death-match-amstutz-vs-fulmer/
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
by DevilGrad on Mar 2, 2011 6:04 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Wahoo v. Wazzu
#Winning
I'm white and I don't dance but that doesn't mean I have all the answers.
by smk73 on Mar 2, 2011 4:28 PM EST reply actions 2 recs
Still waiting for a mid-major arrestopalooza
. . . to vault a non-BCS school into the top five. Just a matter of time.
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
You may have to settle for Utah
Much like the BCS does from time to time.
"Notre Dame is ascared of Auburn." - unknown
by ChemE93 on Mar 2, 2011 5:38 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Hey, back in the day . . .
. . . a non-BCS school actually won this thing.
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
East Carolina
shot its wad last year- it won’t be us
"Well, say, this beats croquet. There's more go about it!"
Shouldn't Pitt's score also have an ETJIII-star by it?
Peace through Speeches
by My real name is Dick Whitman on Mar 2, 2011 6:31 PM EST reply actions
Was wondering the same..
Maybe the first to the mark in a tie is the only recipient of the asterisk?
I give the edge to Fotu
He is slated to start, pending criminal proceedings and suspension, this Pitt dude is just a hang around.
That and as Ute fan I have a person bias in this.
by Scholar Athlete on Mar 2, 2011 6:54 PM EST up reply actions
Eric Smith getting points taken away from him in the Fulmer Cup
is a good warm-up for Auburn getting the MNC taken away from them…
/claimedforbamarolltidenashnulchampeenchip187,212!
The USC Cocks pay my bills but the LSU Tigers have my heart.
Those two points are non-existent
And are therefore hereby awarded to Purdue
by PalmettoTiger on Mar 2, 2011 7:52 PM EST up reply actions
You understand, of course
that these will not be posted on the big board because you don’t exist…
The USC Cocks pay my bills but the LSU Tigers have my heart.
and reply-fail
but then again, maybe not because I can’t reply to someone who isn’t there…
The USC Cocks pay my bills but the LSU Tigers have my heart.
by Anthropologal on Mar 2, 2011 8:23 PM EST up reply actions
I didn't want pity points anyway.
Also, has nonexistence ever picked up FC points? I don’t really recall any offseason issues involving my team. The Selwyn Lymon stabfest was during the season a few years ago.
MSU hasn't had many recently, at least.
We seem to get our malfeasance on during the season.
I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left-hand side.
Bradley-Terry rankings for college football and basketball: because there aren't enough computer rankings already.
I think they made quite a run in the 06 offseason
only to fall to a late charge by the Thundering Herd.
Since then, they’ve been continually bested by their Most. Hated. Rival.
I am in favor of no sport which puts a stick in the hands of an Irishman - K.K.R.
Our new MHR is Indiana
Damn the Hoosiers! Damn them to hell!
Ceterum autem censeo, Iowa esse delendam.
Per the repository of all FC knowledge...
There is a glaring hole in reality somewhere around the 28th position all time from some entity that appears to have stolen 20 total points from the fabric of reality.
http://www.sportsargumentwiki.com/index.php?title=Fulmer_Cup_Dynasty
"Another day in which to excel" ~ Erk Russell.
by AUTigerGSUEagle on Mar 3, 2011 2:23 AM EST up reply actions
Thank you for posting the Fulmer Cup Update
on the same day when main stream media unilaterlly declared college football players to be criminals. I do appreciate how this both supports their grasping and far fetched conclusion while simultaneously mocking their societal import.
FOUR TASINGS! DAMN! Looks like Wannie didnt leave a bare cuppard.
Why isnt this guy starting?
Our entire O-line was crap last year except for Jason Pinkston, and we had (or may have had, depending on the story) a guy on the bench who got tased THREE times without thinking “wow, that sucked, maybe I should re-think the things ive done in my life that led me to be tased 3 times”. I like that kind of crazy on my side.
btw i actually LOL’d at “4 kinds of tased”
/dont tase me bro’d
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Since you take the Paypals,
I’ll have one of everything.
And a glazed doughnut
to go.
"Notre Dame is ascared of Auburn." - unknown
by ChemE93 on Mar 3, 2011 9:54 AM EST up reply actions 1 recs
NOT IF YOU WERE THE LAST IMMIGRANT GROCER ON THIS EARTH!
…honey!
"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52
MY DOCTOR SAYS I NEED TO TAKE A LAXATIVE
"i have a presentiment of doom upon me, and i fear it shall come to us with barbeque sauce." Augustus TwoFeathers McCoy
by thetennesseethumper on Mar 3, 2011 9:41 PM EST up reply actions
A NEW CHALLENGER EMERGES
Pullman & Starkville
who is out-rural’d??
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
"Thass as Amurrican as Rasslin'!" -random guy in gas station
by CoastalCowbell on Mar 2, 2011 11:41 PM EST up reply actions
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I thought GT was going on the board
Turned out to be a mere baseball player. I guess the football players are all too scared of nuclear-strength sarcasm.
Either love your players or get out of coaching.
As a side note, how fitting is it that the guy named Skole plays baseball?
"I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get the bacon flavoring into the pencils?"
Apropos name is apropos. It hardly gets any better than that.
"Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again." ~ Robert A. Heinlein
/waves
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
"Thass as Amurrican as Rasslin'!" -random guy in gas station
by CoastalCowbell on Mar 3, 2011 10:46 AM EST up reply actions 1 recs
That would be one of the few case in which it did get better
"Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again." ~ Robert A. Heinlein
by MtnEer_in_SC on Mar 3, 2011 11:06 AM EST up reply actions
it was the only one i could think of
so there really cant be many, huh?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
"Thass as Amurrican as Rasslin'!" -random guy in gas station
by CoastalCowbell on Mar 3, 2011 11:17 AM EST up reply actions
There is this guy
"Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again." ~ Robert A. Heinlein
by MtnEer_in_SC on Mar 3, 2011 11:56 AM EST up reply actions 1 recs
hmm. yes.
not better, but just beacause. Chili.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
"Thass as Amurrican as Rasslin'!" -random guy in gas station
by CoastalCowbell on Mar 3, 2011 1:38 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
WHAT IS THIS?
Moustache THUURRSDAY?
"Guy giving you a hard time and you get tired of it, punch him in the face"
Here's one where it's worse, since he's a pitcher...
"I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get the bacon flavoring into the pencils?"
"My favorite play is Dave. It involves a long pull, deep penetration, and pure power." -Jim Tressel
by MikeLew on Mar 3, 2011 3:39 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
gaah!
how did i miss that one?! i actually halfway keep up with the Rays, too!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
"Thass as Amurrican as Rasslin'!" -random guy in gas station
by CoastalCowbell on Mar 3, 2011 3:44 PM EST up reply actions
I first encountered him as a divisional rival, when he was a Twin
"I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get the bacon flavoring into the pencils?"
"My favorite play is Dave. It involves a long pull, deep penetration, and pure power." -Jim Tressel
http://www.madeshopping.net
accept paypal credit card
lower price fast shippment with higher quality ( http://www.madeshopping.net )
BEST QUALITY GUARANTEE!!
SAFTY & HONESTY GUARANTEE!!
FAST & PROMPT DELIVERY GUARANTEE!!
Packing: All the products are packed with original boxes and tags also retro cards/ code
numder
Features: AAA QUALITY, COMPETITIVE PRICE AND SERVICE
1) The goods are shipping by air express, such as EMS,the shipping time is in 5-7 business days
2) They are in stock now;
3) Various styles and color for clients’ choice
4) The Products are fit for most people, because of our wholesale price
ugg45$ puma gucci$35,nike jordans six ring,yeezy$%5!!
new era caps$13 gucci handbags jeans,t-shirts sunglass,caps
true religion jeans$35,ca,ed hardy jeans$35,nfl jerseys$20
LV,CHANAL,HANDBAGS$35————- http://www.madeshopping.net
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