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Good morning. Good morning. In less than a nanosecond, commenters from here will join others from...

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Good morning. Good morning. In less than a nanosecond, commenters from here will join others from around the world, and you will be launching the largest celebration in the history of mankind. Mankind, that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences any more. We will be united in our common interest. Perhaps it's fate that today is the 13th of December, the day when New Zealand was discovered and claimed for the crown. We have discovered new countries before. We will now discover a new country again. A country free not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from the annihilation of Craig James' toxic stupidity on our televisions. We're fighting for our right to live without him, to exist and should we win the day, the 13th of December will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice, 'We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on, we're going to survive no matter how many PR companies are hired in the service of protecting our sons from hard work and real life.' Today, Texas' loss is our gain. Today we celebrate our independence day! [CHEERS FOR A YEAR STRAIGHT LET'S ALL GET DRUNK ON PANCAKES AND LOCK OURSELVES IN CLOSETS OF CELEBRATION]

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