GARY CROWTON'S MOST GARY CROWTON PLAYCALL EVER
by Spencer Hall on Jan 13, 2011 3:41 PM EST
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PrintGary Crowton has over the course of his long career as an offensive coordinator achieved the impossible by forcing Mormons, LSU fans, and Oregon loyalists to agree on one universal truth: if Gary Crowton coaches your school's offense long enough, you will come to despise him. There are multiple reasons for this, but let's focus on two case studies.
CASE ONE: THE MOST GARY CROWTON PLAYCALL EVER.
The most classic of all Gary Crowton playcalls includes so many of the elements those familiar with the Crowton oeuvre regard as mandatory elements. Is there a complete disregard for timing and lack of field position alternately considered ballsy or deranged, depending on whether it works or not? Is someone double, or preferably triple covered downfield? Does the ball go to them? Does this play feel as if it were selected not by a human, but instead by a mad supercomputer bent on destroying your faith in offensive football? If yes to all, then we have a guaranteed Crowton classic.
CASE TWO: GARY CROWTON IS THE RING. You may not fire Gary Crowton, but must instead give him to someone in four years or less or else face having him as your offensive coordinator forever. His tenure at LSU was perhaps his masterwork, and a super example of "The Crowton Curve," the downward dangling trend his offenses display. In year one of the Crowton era the Tigers were 26th in total offense, then fell to 55th in 2008 before back to back finishes at 112th and 86th in total offense in '09 and '10 respectively.
Maryland could assist college football in helping us get the most out of Gary Crowton by turning him into a visiting lecturer of sorts at offensive coordinator, coming in like Harold Hill in The Music Man, getting the band together, and then immediately leaving town to do the same elsewhere. Yet Maryland signed him to a three year deal paying $500K a year while Norm Chow is just floating around out there headed for the Utah job. None of this makes sense, but it is the tail end of a mostly nonsensical season, so why not salute it and remind everyone #RONP4LSUOC.
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It absolutely makes sense that Maryland hired Crowton.
Edsall scoffs at this newfangled fad called “offense”.
"That chick was like, the Pele of anal."
by Bob Genghiskhan on Jan 13, 2011 3:49 PM EST reply actions
LSU finished 81st in total offense this year
not spectacular, but way better than 111th.
Jrlz rhymes with Charles.
Actually that's the kind of play the Tecmo CPU would call
when you’re up 38-7 in the fourth quarter and it’s like 3rd and 23. Oh, and more often than not it worked.
Voodoo Five - South Florida Bulls SBN Blog
The Toughest Blog in America
by Jamie DeVriend on Jan 13, 2011 4:06 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
It worked even deeper later into the season if you had the right team
Andre Reed, James Lofton, and QB BILLS FTW
Sometimes you can scheme it up, even execute it up, and then some guy named Tank bats the ball down and you go home a loser. -Chris Brown
by Old South on Jan 13, 2011 7:18 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Beebe.
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is." -Sir Francis Bacon
by Stuck in the Plains on Jan 13, 2011 7:52 PM EST up reply actions
Nick Saban asking nicely.
Stop it. You’re killing me.
by Counter Trap on Jan 13, 2011 4:01 PM EST up reply actions
Gary Crowton playbook
1. Bubble screen, sans blocking
2. Toss up the middle to Ridley
3. Jefferson underthrows into triple coverage
4. Bubble screen, sans blocking, to the other side
Let's not forget the #1 hit of '09 and some of '10
Short side option toss on 3rd and a Billion
Managing Editor/Chief Lackey-And The Valley Shook THE LSU Tigers Blog of the Week for 52,136 Weeks in a Row and Counting
That must be on the page Les added
It was written with pigeon shit in a language whose closest approximation is phoenician.
by deuce5000 on Jan 13, 2011 4:07 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
With a non-option QB
Writer (and a handsome one at that),
And the Valley Shook
by Billy Gomila on Jan 13, 2011 4:53 PM EST up reply actions
Thanks for reminding me
I had forgotten the short side option. It’s been a while since he’s been at Oregon.
Taxes don't kill jobs.
True fact: This worked against Demarcus Milliner.
Must have been the bright shiny objects.
by Counter Trap on Jan 13, 2011 4:02 PM EST up reply actions
#RONP4LSUOC
might do better, plus I would have a new power towel to look forward to every week…
Managing Editor/Chief Lackey-And The Valley Shook THE LSU Tigers Blog of the Week for 52,136 Weeks in a Row and Counting
I like the idea you put on Twitter better.
For the rest:
Based solely on what has dominated my twitter feed today: #EdwinEdwardsForLSUOC
by AllSaintsDay on Jan 13, 2011 5:01 PM EST up reply actions
Oh dear COTG
The USC Cocks pay my bills but the LSU Tigers have my heart.
by Anthropologal on Jan 13, 2011 10:53 PM EST up reply actions
"Well, why should he get road out of town on a rail?"
“Because, in order to sell bubble screens and uniforms and playbooks, he has to guarantee to teach them kids to play and form them kids into a team with himself as the OC!”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“He don’t know one note from another, that’s what wrong with that! He couldn’t tell a bass drum from a pipe organ! I’ll catch up with that swindling’, two-bit, thimble rigger, and when I do I’m gonna squeal on him so loud!”
We want to build a university our football team can be proud of. -- Dr. George Lynn Cross
by marktgarten on Jan 13, 2011 4:01 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
Goddamnit, that wasn't supposed to post
We want to build a university our football team can be proud of. -- Dr. George Lynn Cross
We got trouble
right here in College Park, and that starts with T and that rhymes with B and that stands for Bubblescreen!
/fine, it doesn’t scan
by smk73 on Jan 13, 2011 4:04 PM EST up reply actions 5 recs
And I'll make it green
’cause I think Jeff Casteel can take Crowton with MD talent.
"Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature." ~ Tom Robbins
by MtnEer_in_SC on Jan 13, 2011 6:01 PM EST up reply actions
Crowton is the Colin Farrell of coaching...
…how he keeps getting work is a mystery.
Also, while I know the NFL is persona non grata in these parts, you need to add Chicago Bears to your list of fanbases who despise Crowton. I think the multi-level hatred of both college and pro fans is a significant accomplishment.
I would throw Norm Chow in there.
He has been eaten by the shark in the act of jumping it.
by Counter Trap on Jan 13, 2011 4:05 PM EST up reply actions
That's not fair
Colin Farrell is capable of a really good performance when he tries (In Bruges for example) it’s just that most roles he takes don’t require him to try
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
Pfft, he didn't act whatsoever in that movie so much as he portrayed himself
You will know me by my name: Tiger. War Eagle. Plainsmen. CHAMPION!
Dean of Auburn Institute for Exploding Dog Studies
by Oscar Whiskey on Jan 13, 2011 4:14 PM EST up reply actions
Really, I wasn't aware that Colin Farrell was a hitman racked with guilt over accidently killing a child
Would you prefer Tigerland, then? Another movie in which he was really good
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
I meant the rude and insufferable irishman part
You will know me by my name: Tiger. War Eagle. Plainsmen. CHAMPION!
Dean of Auburn Institute for Exploding Dog Studies
by Oscar Whiskey on Jan 13, 2011 4:18 PM EST up reply actions
If he is, then he just went way up in my cool book
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
In Bruges was good in spite of Farrell...
…kind of like how even Keanu Reeves couldn’t ruin Point Break and The Devil’s Advocate
No shit.
Between Pacino’s chewing the scenery and Keanu’s Hyperchicken rooster accent, it was unwatchable – even with a smokin’ hot Charlize Theron.
by Albino Tornado on Jan 14, 2011 9:55 PM EST up reply actions
Patrick Swayze cagrabs you from behind...
While Lori Petty kicks you in the balls for saying something so obviously untrue.
"That chick was like, the Pele of anal."
by Bob Genghiskhan on Jan 13, 2011 4:25 PM EST up reply actions
So very, very true.
"That chick was like, the Pele of anal."
by Bob Genghiskhan on Jan 13, 2011 4:30 PM EST up reply actions
"That chick was like, the Pele of anal."
by Bob Genghiskhan on Jan 13, 2011 4:33 PM EST up reply actions
Crowton can also pull off a really good performance when he tries.
See cotton bowl.
Jrlz rhymes with Charles.
So what you’re saying is Nebraska loses when clocks don’t stop?
by AllSaintsDay on Jan 13, 2011 5:06 PM EST up reply actions
That fucker makes Mike Martz look like a high school triple option coach
At least Martz is aware of the running back position.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Jan 14, 2011 12:41 PM EST up reply actions
Dennis Dixon was really freaking good.
There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.
- Woody Hayes
by Culp's Freaking Hill on Jan 13, 2011 4:02 PM EST reply actions
/immediate knee injury
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
"Congrats to Mississippi State, 1941 Football National Champions!'"
by CoastalCowbell on Jan 13, 2011 4:13 PM EST up reply actions
Gotta love Keith Jackson
“HOLY COW!”
"Time for the laser show, boys!"- Aubrey Huff
2010 World Series Champions San Francisco Giants
In conclusion, mono means one and rail means rail
This concludes Gary crowton’s intensive six-week course.
by ben_in_dc on Jan 13, 2011 4:25 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
Why there's nothing on earth
like an electrified bonafied 3 and out Crowfense!
You will know me by my name: Tiger. War Eagle. Plainsmen. CHAMPION!
Dean of Auburn Institute for Exploding Dog Studies
by Oscar Whiskey on Jan 13, 2011 4:28 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
But every play gets called and broken!
Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken.
I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left-hand side.
Bradley-Terry rankings for college football and basketball: because there aren't enough computer rankings already.
by SpartanDan on Jan 13, 2011 9:33 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
I call the big one Bitey
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."-Bill Hicks
by Linoleum Knife on Jan 13, 2011 4:47 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Do you even know who I am?
I think so, weren’t you one of the Little Rascals?
by TheAVA on Jan 13, 2011 4:50 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
What's that called?
"That chick was like, the Pele of anal."
by Bob Genghiskhan on Jan 13, 2011 4:30 PM EST reply actions
Ah, Jedd Fisch
One of the many disposable offensive coordinators who frittered away Adam Weber’s career.
"That chick was like, the Pele of anal."
by Bob Genghiskhan on Jan 13, 2011 5:49 PM EST up reply actions
Gary Crowton
seems like a good hire when you see his list of former jobs, and his pedigree. Then you watch him call plays, and you just say to yourself—-what is this (skipping the I am 12 part).
Also, as an LSU alum I have waited to see him call a trick play where Russell Shepperd throws a pass forever. Apparently, I will never see him call this play.
by I ate the grass on Jan 13, 2011 5:17 PM EST reply actions
Hell, I was wanting him to do a simple spread package
running basically the read option with Shepperd doing his best Denard Robinson impression. I don’t mean all the time, but two to three times a game. It would not have hurt offensive performance, I’ll tell you that much!
In the history of college football, no player, no coach, no guru, compares with [Les] Miles’s masterful incorporation of applied chaos theory and time relativity into strategic game planning. Simply put, the man is on another level. A level many don’t or can’t understand. Genius.
I'll be honest
as an LSU fan, I like Crowton, and I wouldn’t have minded if he stayed.
But he was our OC for all of my four years at LSU, so I guess I’m just totally, hopelessly warped, waiting for that ’07 Flynn-Hester offense to come back.
Jrlz rhymes with Charles.
I STILL say
It should be named “Jacob Hester Field” at Tiger Stadium after that LSU/UF game in ’07 when Les went for it on 4th down 17 times and converted on 22 of them. Hester was like the little engine that could in that game. We were screaming so loud in the South end zone that my head hurt, and my eyes went crossed (had nothing to do with the bourbon…honest). When it was announced that USC lost, I was yelling so loud I could taste the blood from my own vocal cords. That was truly a game for the ages, and that season would not have been half as good without Jacob Hester. Oh yeah…Flynn plays for the Packers now. Almost forgot.
LSU - Where clocking is winning
Jacob Hester is my imaginary
college football boyfriend. My lucky # is 18 and he was fantastic. I don’t care if he is married and no longer plays for LSU he is still my ICFB.
The USC Cocks pay my bills but the LSU Tigers have my heart.
by Anthropologal on Jan 13, 2011 10:55 PM EST up reply actions
Not a bad choice for an ICFB
I kinda had a man crush on Chad Lavalais and Glenn Dorsey. Thanksgiving with the family would have been a little awkward…
LSU - Where clocking is winning
they never show that game on ESPN classic
and I routinely check the upcoming listings to see if they will. I haven’t seen it since it happened. That may be the best game i’ve ever seen.
Probably because it was a CBS game?
Classic can be a bag of dicks like that.
I remember watching that game live, it was incredible. You could feel the energy bleeding through the tv.
You'll have better luck finding it on CBS College Sports, they rerun old SEC games all the time
I watch it way more than I ever watch ESPN Classic
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
thanks
I think I get that station, but I always forget it exists cause its on a weird channel that’s surrounded by shit I don’t get.
Yeah on my system, it's surrounded by the "extended Nerd Package" as I call it
History International, Investigation Discovery, Military Channel, Green Planet, Smithsonian Channel, etc, which I happen to watch all the time, so I stumble on a good game every once in awhile
"Football - For the Touchdowns; Playbook - Full of Touchdowns; PIRATE HAT and BACKUP PIRATE HAT" ~ WR Emeritus Golden Tate
Yes
That was definitely one of the most exciting games I’ve ever seen on television. I remember jumping all over the room watching it.
Sometimes you can scheme it up, even execute it up, and then some guy named Tank bats the ball down and you go home a loser. -Chris Brown
It is a very happy day today.
Even if it came a year later than hoped for.
Maybe now LSU can use those players they call Wide Receivers, who I understand are allegedly in the game to catch passes. Supposedly one of these caught three for Touchdowns in the Cotton Bowl last week.
Forever LSU, 'cause that's how we roll.
LSU ought to start out Top five for 2011
They ought to take the SEC and its on TO the BCSNCG.
by DoubleupHarper on Jan 13, 2011 9:05 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
Leach
So Maryland considers Leach then passes and hires Crowton as their OC. Admittedly, Leach to Tubs is a stretch but Leach to Crowton is off the charts. No wonder they’re a basketball school.
by Wes Tex on Jan 13, 2011 9:15 PM EST via mobile reply actions
When he came to Oregon
All the BYU fans said "you like him for maybe a year and a half, tops, then it’s all downhill after that. Damned if we didn’t have a really good year 1 (with Kellen Clemens beasting as a spread QB, with Dixon and L…L…Le…L…umm, some other guy subbing after the traditional Oregon QB catastrophic knee injury). Good first half of ’06 before the wheels came off utterly and ended with an epic beat down at the hands of BYU in freaking Vegas.
Crowton was invited to explore other opportunities and we ended up with some nobody named Chip.
And then Chip Kelly arrived, and when he was done with you, all your pithy sayings were neatly reduced to soundless shrieks in Hell.
Leach + Miles = GIGGEDY GIGGEDY
The Mad Hatter and the good Cap’n together on one ship = Johnny Depp mash-up of college football.
It’s a pipe dream – but a glorious one.
Maryland must hire Greg Robinson
Complete the ACC dream team
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