THE RIGHT REVEREND NUTT CALLS A MEETING DOWN BY THE RIVER

A serene riverside setting in rural Mississippi. A small and bedraggled congregation stands by the water. THE RIGHT REVEREND HOUSTON NUTT stands knee deep in the water and addresses the congregation. 

Houston Nutt: Now, dooooooown by this river! 

Choir: Down by the riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiverr....

Houston Nutt: Where we sank---SO LOOOOOOOOOOOWWW, LORD! 

Choir: SO LOW! 

Houston Nutt: Whence the rooster of iniquity, HE DID BITE WITH HIS BEAAAAAK!  

Choir: We're not sure if that's the veeeeerb.....

Houston Nutt: BECAUSE THE CHOIR IS JUST GONNA GO WITH ME HERE! 

Choir: It's all youuuu! 

Houston Nutt: And when the beak it bites, what do Rebels do, children? 

Choir:  Tell us what do--they--DOOOOOOOO? 

The band strikes up into a thumping gospel beat...

CAUSE REBELS AND THE REVEREND THEY GONNA TURN THING THING AROUUUUUND---

Nutt:

We got misfortune (got misfortune...) 

And we got doubt (got some doubts..) 

We got a loss now (oh boy do we) 

Got to talk about (even though you know we really wouldn't like to...) 

See we dropped a game, y'all! (best believe it..) 

That we had to win... (Tellin' truth oh now) 

Got a river full a trouble and you know we gotta learn to swim (Gotta get those water wings...) 

Gotta get to shore! (get-to-shooooore) 

Gotta get on your feet! (On those feeeet...) 

Gotta get the Rebels (Ackbar ho!) 

Dancin' down to Beale Street! (Best watch now where you paaark....) 

You might laugh but it's fact (Hmmmm) 

We're saving more than souls, (Like your job son) 

We're saving face and our saving grace (HAAAAY!) 

Is a trip to the LIberty Bowl...

[Breakdown]

Choir:

NOW HE BEAT THE TIDE AND HE BEAT THE SEA

HE GOT THE REVEREND TO THE S-E-C

THE LORD COMES THROUGH LIKE EVERY DAY

GONNA GET A BOWL WITH THE CONFERENCE-USA!!!! 

Nutt: 

Now I ain't promising New Year's Day (No!) 

And I ain't promising the BCS (HA!) 

And I ain't promising the moon and stars (Hey!) 

I ain't promising no fancy cars (N-C-Double-A!) 

I ain't promisin' a passing game, (He can't!) 

And I ain't promising success and fame, (No!) 

I'm just promising at the very worst, (Hmmm) 

We'll get a bowl game on December 31st  (Whoa!) 

Choir: 

IT BEATS THE HELL OUT OF STAYING HOME

DON'T EVER WALK IN MEMPHIS AFTER DARK ALONE

WE MEAN THAT DON'T EVER WALK IN MEMPHIS ALONE 

DON'T EVEN GO TO THE BATHROOM IN MEMPHIS ALOOOOOONE---

Nutt: 

Well you might laugh or think it's a joke, 

But the Reverend Nutt is telling you now. 

The Autozone Liberty Bowl is where the Ole Miss Rebels are bound....

[Dramatic finish, music rolls up for a Dixieland finish.] 

Nutt: 

It's where the Rebels...

Are gonna PUT A MIDDLING CONFERENCE USA TEAM DOWWWWWWWWWWWWN 

Choir: FREE MUFFFFFFFFLEEEEEERRRRRRRRRSSSSSS!!!!! 

Nutt: CAN I GET A GIGGITY! 

Choir: GIGGITY! 

Church has ended. Go in peace.