BLOGPOLL BALLOT WEEK ONE: CRAP IN 360 DEGREES

WHY AREN'T WEATHERMEN ALWAYS RIGHT HOW COME ECONOMISTS AREN'T ALL RICH HOW ARE PSYCHICS EVER CAUGHT BY SURPRISE? Inevitably, when someone asks you about your preseason poll, they expect things to make sense, which they don't, since the man who invented the thing to begin with admitted it was purely to start conversation around the old scotch cooler. (America used to be so much cooler in many ways.) 

This long list of abject guesses is crap, but so is yours, and so is everyone else's. Know that the advantage of having zero loyalty to your preseason poll is the avoidance of stickiness later on, i.e. "Boise's looked like emu shit on a shingle for the past five games, but I had them at three so DURRR POLL LEVITATION." For instance, we don't have Nebraska on there because in many ways last year they were Iowa with a.) a mutant on the defensive line, and b.) a worse offense than the Hawkeyes.  Take away mutant, return same shitty offense, and you end up unranked. 

(This should be a reminder that Suh had the most dominant season by a defensive player ever last year, and should have won the Heisman if the Heisman meant anything at all to anyone with a brain, conscience, and video recording capabilities. It doesn't, and Suh's lack of stiff-armed trophy is just one more instance of its insane voting calculus.) 

Anyway, here it is. Did we make bets simply out of a natural compulsion to gamble out of boredom? YOU BET WE DID. Will we defend them with vigor and little reason? YOU BET WE WILL. Will we stay loyal to these after week one? THEY WILL BE THROWN OVERBOARD WITH THE CHEESES AT THE FIRST CONVENIENCE, SIRS AND MADAMS. 

WHY TEXAS? Simply because we still don't think Terrelle Pryor is in the right hands offensively, that OSU still holds the distinguished title of Perpetual Football Salutatorian, and because in the coin toss between Oklahoma and Texas we lean towards Muschamp's ability to outscheme Kevin Wilson. You could rearrange the top six in any order and make a compelling case for any of them. This is just this week's insane guess. Ask us next week, and we will have a totally different answer. 

WHY NOT [ANY OF THE TEAMS IN THE TOP SIX]? Repeated: any of them can be in any order. If you don't admit this as a voter, you are Skip Bayless, and in a just universe should be beaten with a car. Yes. A full-sized car swung by a Huik-sized being with insane strength. 

YOU STAYING BY YOUR INSANE PROMISE TO LIVE EVERY WEEK LIKE IT'S SARK WEEK? Yes, but toned down due to predicted carnage in the Pac-10. USC is not ranked because we lean on the side of not ranking them at all this year. If Blogpoll protocol on the whole decides to rank them, we'll go with it, but for the moment probation and and bowl bannage makes leaving the out easier math for us. 

P.S. At least we're not this guy

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