We're working on Sports Memes and the Digital Viking at the moment, but we must bring this to your attention (Via reader Ara.) Julio Mora may only run a 4.65, but did we mention he's bullet-proof, constantly covered by a halo of ever-burning flame that burns others and not him, and can disaggregate defenders into piles of red goo like Dr. Manhattan?
The first 22 star recruit in Rivals history becomes one and a half star recruit when you click his individual profile, but that's because he rates himself much more harshly than others do. Champions always do. Mora will decide between Southern Utah and Weber State because they will let him keep his pet bear and spouse Geraldine the Kodiak bear and their litter of half-bear, half-god children in student housing. He also farted once in an elevator and started a rave that lasted for five days, is the author of Bhutan's innovative constitution, and is the king of England. A special dispensation will be needed for his cleats, which are each individually full-sized living dinosaurs.
(Assistance by Adam Jacobi.)