BIG TEN WILL NOT ALLOW VUVUZELA DAY AT OHIO STATE

Not coming to a Big Ten game anywhere near you, and that's BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (Photo by Michael Steele/Getty Images)

This is all very crucial and important: despite the existence of a Facebook page, the very thing which Kant himself was referring to when he said "Happiness is not an ideal of reason, but of imagination, and oh by the way if something is on Facebook that means it is totally real," the notion of Vuvuzela Day at Ohio State will die before it so much as takes its first breath. 

Per Scott Chipman of the Big Ten Conference via email this a.m.:  

The Big Ten has specific policies that do not allow irritants or noisemakers, so vuvuzelas would not be allowed. Below is the specific language from our football game management manual.
A. Nonpermissible Items - The arena management is responsible for enforcing the Big Ten policies in this regard. The following items may not be brought into the arena by patrons: Alcoholic beverages, bottles, cans, cups or containers, irritants (e.g., noisemakers) or strobe lights. In addition, the facility may have additional restrictions on items that can be brought into the arena.

Crap, you mean strobe and road flare night at Penn State is out, too? DAMNED LIBERALS. The possibility of further vuvuzela'ing in the Big Ten really is dead, because being Midwestern and all they tend to actually have order and dickish ushers who would prevent this from ever happening. Now, if LSU wants this to happen it can, since you could take a live gorilla into Tiger Stadium without disguise or subtlety and get away with it as long as he had a ticket or knew the current governor.

And the gorilla vote, like every other vote, is both valued and for sale in LA. Don't think you're getting away with just bananas this time, either. They want 50 yard line seats or else they start talking about the "work" they did for your campaign donors at BP. Journalists don't disappear all by themselves, you know.

/thumps chest

/puts LSU flag on truck

/drives off at 105 mph on two lane road, unsecured barbecue in bed

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