Your forecast for the day: surreal. Yeah. Catlab. Ohio State versus USC. Just back away and make sure there aren't any sharp objects around, okay?
We'll call that a pick for USC to cover in a landslide, metaphorically speaking. The L.A. Times goes fretting nelly with the USC offense, who believe Ohio State's defense will bring significant pressure on Mark Sanchez, who keeps the surrealist theme of day alive by suggesting that Virginia's defense allowed for medium-well offensive prowess all day long in their opener:
"It was like we were grilling steaks back there," Sanchez said.
Leading Pat Ruel to say this:
"I'm not buying those steaks right now," Ruel joked. "It's got to be something you can microwave."
Thus, the theme for Saturday: the Microwave Offense meets the Hot Pocket defense.
The Subcomandante denies all association. But the Overlord and Chief Mage of the Republic of Uzbuckistan totally did this:
About 20 minutes into a call with Carroll, someone who indentified himself as associated with a fake website asked Carroll in a garbled, if almost drunken, voice whether he rewarded his players by setting up dates with various Hollywood starlets.
After asking several times for the imposter to clarify his question, Carroll, remarkably, answered it, explaining that matchmaking is not in his job description.
At this point, with the conference moderator apparently asleep at the switch, the imposter asked a follow-up related to a brand-name product that shares a name with the Trojans.
Carroll then decided he had better things to do and exited the call, but not before uttering something about Ohio State's role in the call, like "Good job, Ohio State."
We would like to state for the record that this person, whoever they may be, is welcome to call EDSBS drunkenly anytime. The best image is imagining this person, whoever they are, hanging up the phone, giggling, and then resuming their dead-eyed staring match with the television in a darkened house in a lonely corner of Ohio. Ha! Ha. Crickets. Misery.
You could try handing it off to him, you know. Emmanuel Moody remains on the bench at Florida despite the Gators' continued lack of a running back and some baffling personnel decisions by the Florida offensive coaching staff in the game. For instance, if Randy Shannon really wants to accuse Florida of running up the score, please see the red zone carry for Kestahn Moore late in the game. That's practically trying to give you the ball back, Coach Shannon! He really couldn't have done much more than that.
The Gators' could try the novel thing and give Moody the ball. That seems to work in other places. Urban Meyer has vowed he will get more involved, and we will believe that when FREAKIN' KESTAHN MOORE ISN'T TAKING SNAPS IN THE FREAKIN' REDZONE WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT DAN MULLEN.
Tommy Beecher: tanned, rested, ready. Stephen Garcia, according to Steve Spurrier, is still not ready to start. Tommy Beecher, though, is ready leap in there and get going whenever, coach, and stick balls into quadruple coverage with dignity and poise.
UNT/LSU, to be played on the back of a semi roaring up I-55. No one's sure where UNT/LSU will be played on Saturday thanks to hurricane damage at Tiger Stadium. The Independence Bowl is ready when you are, baby.