CURIOUS INDEX, 5/9/08


Never forget to twist the knife. Even in the article about his induction into the college football hall of fame, John Cooper gets this in his headlines in the Detroit Free Press.

Ohio columnist: John Cooper, despite 2-10-1 record vs. Michigan, deserves Hall of Fame nod.

"Thanks for the ringing endorsement, assface."

Honey, love of my life, let us be buried together forever--even though that hot Cuban guy I slept with in Miami in college had a horsecock, and brought me pleasures you have never dreamed of giving me in bed. I really do love you best, Your Wife. Remember that one of the most savory points of fandom is never forgetting anything that happened ever unto death. Excuse us: as Florida fans, we have to work on taunting Miami fans about the only thing we can taunt them about, "The Flop."

Myopic's the only way we do, baby. Hunglikehussain on our SN APR piece:

Back to the subject at hand. Orson, it is easy to criticize and abase a statute.

Instead of myopic ranting, double the height of your soapbox. Really, if we are in a “Hyde Park cyberspace”, what are your proposals/solutions?

Welcome to one of the difficulties of column writing: at 700 words, you hit the ledge of formal limit and usually skitter some of your better stuff into the canyon below. The piece diagnoses the central problem of the APR, which is the eventual pruning of programs from Division One due to poor academic progress. (And to counter another comment, no, it's not intentional. It's the byproduct of many hands creating a compromise policy with unintended effects; see "no sinister volcano lair" qualifier in graf 10.)

Solutions? We're not into silly metrics like the APR, especially when unevenly applied. However, if you insist on having one, make sure the mechanism includes viable mechanisms for recovery from poor academic performance and the ability to re-enter D-1 following a period of "demonstrated improvement." Otherwise, we'd be fine not having one at all, or even--gasp--having a non-quantitative review process not dependent on one silly, easily manipulated metric.

This approach, however, requires both work and sense, commodities as rare as pickled unicorn eggs.

Analysis is for the bluecoats. When it comes to a color announcer, Bobby Bowden wants a PR man first.

"Your job is to be a PR man," Bowden said. "You're getting paid to boost FSU up. It's not a high school offense. Some things, you don't say."

We suspect that if he had his way, Bowden would have Terry Bowden still pulling the strings of what he would like an announcer to call "a sophisticated but hard-nosed offensive scheme that has yielded amazing results for the 'Noles."

City Boyz, Inc.: gone, but not forgotten. We'll mourn ya till we join ya, City Boyz, Inc: Iowa clamps down on Facebook and other social networking sites.

Kevin of Fanblogs almost died. Lessons learned: always carry aspirin, don't ignore chest pains, and make sure your wife is awesomely composed. All of these will help you survive a heart attack along with some judicious use of Google at the right time. (We're not joking when we type that, nor when we say we're all too happy you made it, Kevin.)

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