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THE AUBURN SCHOOL OF EXPLODING DOGS RETURNS

ANCIENT JOKES REVIVED BY THE OLD ONES AND A SOLID 13 MINUTES OF WORK ON IMOVIE

By Spencer Hall
HE’S STILL A GOOD BOY

This requires some explanation first, and even then it won’t make much sense. But we’ll try.

First: EDSBS has a lot of very old jokes that will never really die. They are immortal, perhaps even if they shouldn’t be. They’re like tree cancers or that giant fungus in Michigan that stretches for hundreds of miles underground in all directions. They’re not totally alive, but also not quite dead, and ready to resurface at any moment in all their weird ancient glory.

Second: Auburn has a program that trains dogs to sniff out explosives. It is actually a very cool and good program! Also, puppies, there’s just adorable, hardworking dogs all over the place, and few dogs are more endearing than a very, very hardworking dog who just wants to do their job. Maybe really lazy dogs, or dogs that get their head stuck in things in very stupid ways. Only real competition here.

Anyway, this is that ad.

Third: The ancient EDSBS commentariat joke about Auburn training dogs to sniff out explosives — again, a very good thing that we value and are not making fun of at all in itself — somehow morphed into “Auburn has a school where they make Exploding Dogs.” How did this happen? Well, that would be a great thing to explain, if there were any explanation. Which there isn’t, and never will be, and even if we could explain it we wouldn’t, because explaining the plot fully has never been part of this website’s mission.

Not being heartless, we didn’t insist that the dogs died in the explosions. They just sort of blew up all the time for no reason. Being good dogs, people! Just doing their job, in a very Wile E. Coyote kind of way.

Fourth: We saw that Auburn ad on Twitter yesterday.

Fifth: Did you know adding explosions to movies is really easy in the year 2018?

Six: No dogs were harmed in the making of this video, and everyone next to the explosions just walked away sheepishly and covered in harmless scorch marks. Some of their hair was amusingly contoured by the explosions, too, along with some mussed clothing.