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EDSBS CHARITY BOWL UPDATE: DAY FIVE AND SPRINTING TO A RECORD BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL

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THAT’S A LONG HEADLINE BUT THE TRUTH IS SOMETIMES WORDY

IT IS HAPPENING. AGAIN.

The update is this, in short: On day five of the EDSBS Charity Bowl, we woke up and saw that sometime early this a.m. the Commentariat blew through last year’s record of $52,000 for the week. The total is now $53,068.56 after just four days. This is astonishing and wonderful and makes us want to celebrate, which we’re going to do right now.

We invite you to dance with us for a moment to the closest thing we have to an official song of EDSBS.

The sound of charitable happiness in action is, in fact, “BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.”

The EDSBS Charity Bowl, though, is still very much on. Though we’ve trashed last year’s total in just four days, we need to keep the hammer down. To further that cause, our themed donation for the day takes its inspiration from a game where Florida had to finish and finish strong in the fourth quarter. They had to do that mostly because Tim Tebow made some weird mistakes in the first half—but then Tim recited the locker room speech from Varsity Blues and it all worked out alright, because you can’t go wrong with a legendary defensive effort and a little minor live plagiarism.

THE BEST FOOTBALL VICTORY EVER INSPIRED BY A PLAGIARIZED SPEECH

How anyone held that Oklahoma offense to fourteen points is insane, and is also a reason to give Charlie Strong jobs for the rest of his life based on that gameplan alone.

Finish strong, is what we’re saying. GIVE. GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE.

To sweeten the pot: If we hit $65k by the end, we’ll get another tattoo involving the largest combined team donor over the next three days’ logo or mascot. The top donor in the fourth quarter of this drive can make us bleed for charity. Now: We have discretion on exactly how to do this, but we’ll make it recognizably related. (See: Totoro over a Michigan M, i.e the only documented instance of a Miyazaki-themed Michigan tattoo on the planet.) This is when we really want Colorado to come through so we can get a buffalo tat we were going to get anyway. If one donor for Colorado or Howard or any other team with a bison for a mascot could come through and drop like ten grand, that would be delightful.

It’s a big number. But if you get there, we’ll do it.

Does this mean we probably end up with another Michigan tat? Probably, but the first one was Totoro on top of a Michigan M, so the second will probably be just as creative. Jim Harbaugh’s head on the nude model in a stunning reproduction of Manet’s “Le Dejuner sur l’herbe?” Sure, something like that. It’s a body, after all, it’s not like we have to have it forever.

Whatever happens, we’ll keep it open through the weekend, and will announce final totals on Monday. Hit $65k and you get to make us literally bleed for your team again. And what is a better incentive than spite for your rival combined with blood spectacle?