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EDSBS CHARITY BOWL UPDATE: LET’S STEAL THIS LIKE MISS STATE STUDENTS IN A BAMA OFFICE

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PUT DOWN THE ICE CREAM, ALABAMA COMMANDOS

Alabama v Mississippi State
PIC IS BARELY RELATED BUT LOOK AT THAT JOWL TORQUE
Photo by Butch Dill/Getty Images

Reminder: IT. IS. TIME. The 2018 EDSBS Charity Bowl is on, on, on, and although it is always a good idea to give to refugee service organizations, 2018 is a particularly important time to do so. GIVE HERE.

DAY FOUR OF THE EDSBS CHARITY DRIVE IS HERE. And if we were to ask how it was going, we would...hmm, let’s see, is there a metaphor for how well the Commentariat is sneaking into the dark offices of malice, and stealing charity from behind the walls of authority? Is there, we ask? Say, an extremely local one, college football-wise?

Four Mississippi State University students were arrested after police said they broke into the Mal Moore Athletic Facility and stole memorabilia last week.

The University of Alabama declined to answer questions about the investigation Wednesday, including what was stolen and whether the items have been recovered.

Mmmm, just what Nick Saban needed: A reason to be more paranoid. The four Miss State students hit a uniquely Mississippi quadfecta by all having Biblical names—Samuel, John, Joel, and Joshua—and also, as the Mothership points out, by having some truly outstanding SEC West haircuts. All four also earn another Mississippi birthright: third-degree felony charges after being caught by local police. The huge cowbells worn during the robbery certainly enhanced the brand, but also made stealth and detection a real problem during the caper.

In retaliation, Bama fans will likely raid the Mississippi State football offices with the precision of Seal Team Six, only to be caught across campus passed out after gorging themselves on delicious Mississippi State dairy sciences ice cream. Whether details of this future theft are released by the program or not, one thing will be certain. Any memorabilia stolen from the Mississippi State football facilities will not include any championship trophies.

Our own themed donation to start off the day? Well, speaking of Mississippi State, let’s give in honor of the revenge game for Florida’s 2000 loss in Starkville. You know: The one where Steve Spurrier called passes deep into the fourth quarter, including a last-minute TD thrown in honor of a Florida trainer who was knocked out by a thrown cowbell in Starkville the previous year.

REX GROSSMAN IS A GOD

CLANGA.

Totals going into day four follow. The overall total is a stunning $47,139.17 at the moment, just shy of the all-time one-week record of $52,000 from last year. On a school level, Michigan still in the lead, but damn, Georgia Tech, right there and biting at the heels with but a sliver of the same donor base. HEY Y’ALL, THEM NERDS GOT MONEY TO BURN.

GIVE HERE. Give, here. Give, here? GIVE. As always, the individual totals run like this: School, total number of donors, and then school total. Thank you all from the bottom of our black, Florida football-stained hearts.

University of Michigan 139 $14,983.04

Georgia Institute of Technology 25 $10,238.11

University of Georgia 14 $3,952.26

University of Texas 10 $1,326.11

Louisiana Tech University 1 $1,322.82

Texas A & M 5 $1,307.43

Univeristy of Chicago 1 $935.00

University of Southern California 5 $906.86

Auburn University 8 $905.33

University of Florida 16 $903.51

Clemson University 7 $843.86

University of Virginia 4 $775.00

Kansas State 5 $770.40

Ohio State University 7 $739.18

University of Alabama 5 $578.25

Virginia Tech 7 $572.52

University of Oregon 5 $558.40

Cornell 2 $550.00

Wake Forest University 3 $486.17

Penn State University 8 $486.06

Case Western Reserve 1 $479.00

University of Washington 6 $449.49

Northwestern University 4 $447.80

University of Missouri - Mizzou 5 $435.59

Kalamazoo College 1 $400.00

University of Maryland 3 $388.33

University of Wisconsin 10 $377.17

Kenyon College 2 $349.21

Notre Dame 8 $348.17

University of Oklahoma 3 $312.52

University of Tulsa 1 $310.97

University of St. Thomas 2 $289.73

University of Iowa 5 $270.96

University of Alabama Birmingham 1 $255.42

Santa Clara University 1 $232.43

Purdue 4 $232.07

University of Miami (FL) 5 $227.52

Florida State University 3 $222.87

Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health 1 $220.00

Tulane University 2 $219.78

Hillsdale College 1 $214.28

UNDESIGNATED 1 $205.46

Syracuse University 8 $200.68

University of Utah 3 $196.61

North Carolina State University 2 $195.42

University of Kentucky 4 $189.43

Duke University 2 $186.26

Villanova University 2 $180.57

Ohio University 3 $179.42

University of Mississippi - Ole Miss 2 $172.39

University of California Berkeley 3 $170.51

Texas Christian University - TCU 4 $152.47

Kennesaw State 2 $152.28

Dartmouth 1 $143.70

University of Memphis 3 $128.07

University of Colorado Boulder 2 $127.58

University of Arkansas 3 $120.48

University of California Los Angeles - UCLA 3 $109.16

Iowa State University 1 $100.00

Lehigh University 1 $100.00

Skidmore College 1 $100.00

University of Arizona 1 $100.00

University of Tennessee at Chattanooga 1 $100.00

University of North Texas 1 $98.67

University of Pittsburgh 3 $97.62

University of South Carolina 4 $93.28

Grand Valley State University 2 $86.31

University of Nebraska - Lincoln 1 $85.48

Vanderbilt 2 $84.48

Dexter High School Dreadnaughts 2 $80.00

University of Cincinnati 2 $75.00

Michigan State 2 $68.57

Miami University (Ohio) 1 $66.06

University of Puget Sound 1 $64.68

University of Central Florida 2 $63.00

Montana State University 2 $62.46

Baylor University 1 $61.58

Washington University in St. Louis 1 $51.20

University of Tennessee 1 $50.48

Louisiana State University 1 $50.00

Southern Methodist University 1 $50.00

University of California San Diego - UCSD 1 $50.00

University of California, Irvine 1 $50.00

University of Maine 1 $50.00

Berry College 1 $48.10

New Mexico State 2 $45.80

Fordham University 1 $44.22

Boston College 1 $42.14

University of Louisville 1 $40.25

Princeton 1 $39.34

University of Hawai’i 1 $39.00

University of Pennsylvania 1 $38.35

Oklahoma State 1 $38.28

University of Houston 1 $38.03

Central Michigan University 1 $35.28

Northwest Missouri State University 1 $34.16

Greenville Humane Society 1 $34.10

University of Connecticut 1 $33.30

University of South Alabama 1 $33.21

Simon Fraser University 1 $33.00

Indiana University 1 $31.27

University of Califonia (no location) 1 $29.80

University of Alaska Anchorage 1 $29.00

Univeristy of Illinois 1 $28.21

Emory University 1 $28.03

Temple University 1 $27.10

Providence College 1 $25.01

University of Minnesota 1 $25.00

University of Wisconsin - Oskosh 1 $25.00

Xavier University 1 $25.00

Ireland Rugby 1 $24.15

University of South Florida 1 $22.22

Georgia State University 1 $21.17

Western Kentucky University 1 $20.00

Gonzaga University 1 $19.41

Stanford 1 $17.14

University of Maryland, Baltimore County - UMBC 1 $16.01

Austin Peay State University 1 $15.00

Humboldt Broncos 1 $15.00

San Jose State 1 $10.61

James Madison University 1 $10.00