EDSBS CHARITY UPDATE: ISSA FIGHT

REMINDER: THE EDSBS CHARITY BOWL IS GOING ALL WEEK LONG. To read up on it, go here. To donate, go here. To watch a guy doing hilariously stupid stuff in Far Cry 5 in Italian, go here.

DAY TWO OF THE EDSBS CHARITY BOWL IS OPEN. For a change of pace, the 2018 EDSBS Charity Bowl decided to be a contest this year? It decided to be a contest this year, with Georgia Tech and Georgia both making strong pushes to keep Michigan honest—if not sweating a bit? Correction: They are perspiring, because they are Michigan Men and Women, and they never, ever sweat because they are gentlemen and ladies.

Sweating or not, it’s a fight. Ahem: A FIGHT, WE SAY.

It’s not a Louisiana fight, but very few things are. This happened Saturday night in New Orleans at Superior Seafood and Oyster House, and we cannot stop watching it because it has layers, reader, layer after layer of compelling humanity in every slice.

To wit:

• The star of the show, aka the man in grey who goes from “thoughtfully listening to your argument” to “flying across the table and throwing punches to the back of someone’s head like he’s going to make Herb Dean stop the fight.” We don’t know what someone has to say to you to make you jump on a table and skullpunch someone in a public setting, but this being Louisiana we assume it has something to do with a.) his pisspoor bowfishing skills, or b.) his mama. Kudos for staring the fight with one man, then picking it up with someone else with no loss of effort or intensity. That’s top-flight conditioning at work.
• The undercard of Lady In Black at the top right of the screen, who starts punching someone unseen at the head of the table before switching her attentions to the blonde lady in the grey sweater. She pulling a full Road House here, and whipping heads back with a fierceness. We’ve watched football games with this woman where LSU loses. Silently. We watched them silently, and while watching to see if her hand leans toward the gun we know is in her purse.
• The man in black directly under the ladybrawl who stays low and out of the fight, but who most importantly KEEPS HIS DRINK FROM SPILLING IN THE MELEE. The most New Orleans member of the crew here, and the only one with clear priorities the whole time. (Protecting his damn beverage, y’all.)
• The dude in the visor. He is the clear loser in this fight because he gets used as a pommel horse by the man in gray, falls backwards as a result, and lands only to be pummeled by an indiscriminately furious Lady in Black at the top of the table. Used as furniture and then beaten up by an angry lady thinking about Les Miles starting Jordan Jefferson for years is not a way to go through life, son.
• WHERE DID THE MAN IN THE BASEBALL CAP GO? He helps ignite the brawl, then seemingly disappears forever under a table.
• The real MVP of the fight, the woman in maroon at the bottom who is clearly already tired of this shit before it ever happens. This is not her first drunken oyster house brawl, and she’s seen enough of it. She’s going home to watch Netflix, y’all. Lemme know who I gotta bail out tomorrow morning when this clears up.

May we all fight for a worthy charity with the intensity of drunk-ass New Orleans diners tearing up an oyster bar, is what we’re saying. Our own donation today is made in honor of our favorite Florida Gator of all time, Reggie Nelson. Number one on the field, in our hearts, and in “donations made that look like binary code runs.”

Go Gators, imo.

The stats as of this morning follow, with the school, the number of total donors, and the total sum donated. Big movers this year? Georgia, mostly through the actions of one incredibly generous donor, and Cornell, who as far as we know have had a better hotel management program than a football team for like, fifty years? Doesn’t matter, we’re just happy to have them no matter how they got here.

THE TOTALS AS OF 4/10:

University of Michigan 93 $7,462.98

Georgia Institute of Technology 14 $5,618.87 ($56 and $22.16x11)

University of Georgia 7 $2,442.42

Cornell 2 $550.00

University of Oregon 3 $430.10

University of Alabama 3 $387.72 ($30.12x11)

University of Missouri - Mizzou 3 $342.45

Kenyon College 1 $314.00

Wake Forest University 2 $284.43 ($20x11)

University of Florida 7 $263.77

University of St. Thomas 1 $261.47 ($23.77x11)

Northwestern University 1 $250.00

University of Washington 2 $238.14

Clemson University 3 $221.76

University of Texas 4 $212.42

UNDESIGNATED 1 $205.46

University of Miami (FL) 4 $203.32

Purdue 3 $200.83

Auburn University 4 $194.32

Virginia Tech 4 $188.05

Ohio State University 4 $182.98

University of Wisconsin 6 $164.51

Villanova University 1 $157.36

University of Mississippi - Ole Miss 1 $154.00

Kansas State 2 $150.00

University of Southern California 3 $124.56

North Carolina State University 1 $110.00 ($10x11)

University of California Los Angeles - UCLA 3 $109.16

University of Iowa 2 $105.24

Lehigh University 1 $100.00

University of California Berkeley 1 $100.00

University of Oklahoma 1 $100.00

University of Tennessee at Chattanooga 1 $100.00

Notre Dame 2 $99.14

University of North Texas 1 $98.67

University of Utah 2 $88.41

University of Nebraska - Lincoln 1 $85.48

University of Pittsburgh 2 $84.53

Vanderbilt 2 $84.48

Penn State University 2 $84.26

Texas A & M 2 $75.43

University of Virginia 2 $75.00

Ohio University 2 $69.42

Michigan State 2 $68.57

Miami University (Ohio) 1 $66.06

University of Puget Sound 1 $64.68

Syracuse University 3 $64.48

Montana State University 2 $62.46

Washington University in St. Louis 1 $51.20

University of Maine 1 $50.00

Duke University 1 $48.52

Berry College 1 $48.10

University of Kentucky 2 $46.06

Texas Christian University - TCU 1 $45.22

University of Memphis 1 $42.38

Kennesaw State 1 $42.28

Dexter High School Dreadnaughts 1 $40.00

University of Pennsylvania 1 $38.35

Florida State University 1 $38.22

University of Houston 1 $38.03

Northwest Missouri State University 1 $34.16

Simon Fraser University 1 $33.00

Indiana University 1 $31.27

University of Califonia (no location) 1 $29.80

University of Alaska Anchorage 1 $29.00

Emory University 1 $28.03

Temple University 1 $27.10

University of Cincinnati 1 $25.00

University of Wisconsin - Oskosh 1 $25.00

Georgia State University 1 $21.17

Western Kentucky University 1 $20.00

Tulane University 1 $19.98

Gonzaga University 1 $19.41

Stanford 1 $17.14

University of Maryland, Baltimore County - UMBC 1 $16.01

Austin Peay State University 1 $15.00

Humboldt Broncos 1 $15.00

University of Central Florida 1 $13.00

San Jose State 1 $10.61

GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE.