[continued from 82 item list of Evidences Admitted in case of Nick Saban Is An Actual Supervillain]
EXHIBIT K, VOL. 2: THE COLLECTION
ITEM DESCRIPTION: A building full of ex-coaches analyzing football and working on staff.
ITEM LISTING (PAST AND PRESENT): Butch Jones, former head coach of historical rival Tennessee; Lane Kiffin, now departed; Dan Werner, former offensive coordinator at fellow SEC West school Ole Miss; Chris Weinke, former Rams QB coach and 2000 Heisman Trophy winner; Mike Locksley, offensive coordinator and former New Mexico head coach; Steve Sarkisian, former USC head coach, Alabama offensive consultant, and Tide OC for exactly one game.
ITEM LISTING (HYPOTHETICAL): Hugh Freeze, at one point? That was going to be a thing, allegedly. Jim McElwain, on the rebound, was allegedly a thing thrown around at one point. Any coach who’s been fired, really, as long as they’re not Bret Bielema. They don’t hang well, for what seems like a lot of really obvious reasons.
CASE SUPPORT: Just over here pointing out that one by one, Nick Saban will beat his rivals and former assistant coaches until they are fired. Then, once they have been vanquished, he will hire them. Once hired, Nick Saban will make them work for him in a small glass box during football games, and in a dark office on weekdays.
This is literal Borg behavior. Nick Saban will assimilate you, even if it takes years, and make you labor for him in his football cube ship. Sure, he pays them. But if that weren’t an option, and legally he could go full Borg and implant full mind control? With the red laser eye, because the red laser eye is already Bama-themed? He already works with free labor most of the time anyway. What’s another step in the name of football greatness?
CONCLUSION: Forgive the digression, your honor. This evidence is hereby submitted to support the case that Nick Saban is, in fact, a living working supervillain.