A crowd of people; among them ARTEMIDORUS and the Soothsayer. Flourish. Enter CAESAR, BRUTUS, CASSIUS, CASCA, DECIUS BRUTUS, METELLUS CIMBER, TREBONIUS, CINNA, ANTONY, LEPIDUS, POPILIUS, PUBLIUS, and others
[To the Soothsayer] The ides of March are come.
Ay, Caesar; but not gone.
Hail, Caesar! read this schedule.
Trebonius doth desire you to o’erread,
At your best leisure, this his humble suit.
O Caesar, read mine first; for mine’s a suit
That touches Caesar nearer: read it, great Caesar.
What touches us ourself shall be last served.
Delay not, Caesar; read it instantly.
What, is the fellow mad?
Sirrah, give place.
What, urge you your petitions in the street?
Come to the Capitol.
CAESAR goes up to the Senate-House, the rest following
I wish your enterprise to-day may thrive.
What enterprise, Popilius?
Fare you well.
Advances to CAESAR
What said Popilius Lena?
He wish’d to-day our enterprise might thrive.
I fear our purpose is discovered.
Look, how he makes to Caesar; mark him.
Casca, be sudden, for we fear prevention.
Brutus, what shall be done? If this be known,
Cassius or Caesar never shall turn back,
For I will slay myself.
Cassius, be constant:
Popilius Lena speaks not of our purposes;
For, look, he smiles, and Caesar doth not change.
Trebonius knows his time; for, look you, Brutus.
He draws Mark Antony out of the way.
Exeunt ANTONY and TREBONIUS
Where is Metellus Cimber? Let him go,
And presently prefer his suit to Caesar.
He is address’d: press near and second him.
Casca, you are the first that rears your hand.
Are we all ready? What is now amiss
That Caesar and his senate must redress?
Most high, most mighty, and most puissant Caesar,
Metellus Cimber throws before thy seat
An humble heart,--
I must prevent thee, Cimber.
These couchings and these lowly courtesies
Might fire the blood of ordinary men,
And turn pre-ordinance and first decree
Into the law of children. Be not fond,
To think that Caesar bears such rebel blood
That will be thaw’d from the true quality
With that which melteth fools; I mean, sweet words,
Low-crooked court’sies and base spaniel-fawning.
Thy brother by decree is banished:
If thou dost bend and pray and fawn for him,
I spurn thee like a cur out of my way.
Know, Caesar doth not wrong, nor without cause
Will he be satisfied.
Is there no voice more worthy than my own
To sound more sweetly in great Caesar’s ear
For the repealing of my banish’d brother?
I kiss thy hand, but not in flattery, Caesar;
Desiring thee that Publius Cimber may
Have an immediate freedom of repeal.
Pardon, Caesar; Caesar, pardon:
As low as to thy foot doth Cassius fall,
To beg enfranchisement for Publius Cimber.
I could be well moved, if I were as you:
If I could pray to move, prayers would move me:
But I am constant as the northern star,
Of whose true-fix’d and resting quality
There is no fellow in the firmament.
The skies are painted with unnumber’d sparks,
They are all fire and every one doth shine,
But there’s but one in all doth hold his place:
So in the world; ‘tis furnish’d well with men,
And men are flesh and blood, and apprehensive;
Yet in the number I do know but one
That unassailable holds on his rank,
Unshaked of motion: and that I am he,
Let me a little show it, even in this;
That I was constant Cimber should be banish’d,
And constant do remain to keep him so.
Hence! wilt thou lift up Olympus?
Doth not Brutus bootless kneel?
Speak, hands for me!
CASCA first, then the other Conspirators and BRUTUS stab CAESAR
Et tu, Brute! Then fall, Caesar.
Well, that’s done. So, who wants lunch?
Whoa. What the HELL, dude
You just stabbed Caesar!
Right, I thought that was the plan-
That was definitely not what we discussed. I can’t believe you just freaking stabbed Caesar.
It was Cassius’s idea!
Nope. No, I was always in the “strongly worded letter” camp. Violence isn’t the answer, dude.
Casca stabbed him first!
I don’t know what you’re talking about. Leave me out of this.
It’s right there in the stage directions, like, 12 lines back!
See he’s just talking crazy now.
Well, we’re going to have to punish him for this. He just killed our beloved emperor, who we all supported and wished well for.
Let’s send him somewhere shitty full of obnoxious people with an inexplicable sense of their own greatness.
And put him in an ugly sweater!
And so it is decreed.
Also, let’s make his head look really weird.
You guys are assholes.
You’ll meet worse.