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SMUGGLING COKE INTO JAIL? BAMA SHIRT

A LONG HISTORY OF COMMITTING CRIMES IN TEAM GEAR CONTINUES

By Spencer Hall
Mississippi State v Alabama
IT’S A DISGUISE DON’T TELL THE SHERIFF
Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images
  1. Flannery O’Connor is literally ghostwriting Southern police blotters now. She’s also recycling material. Ghosts are so lazy sometimes, even if they get some credit for putting the right details in frame, like the Bama shirt and the coke instead of a Bama shirt and whatever Flannery O’Connor thought a common drug was in the Fifties. (Weed? It’d probably be weed, which she would call “reefer.”)
  2. What book did the cocaine rest in? If she had style, it went in Job right on 27:3: “For as long as life is in me, And the breath of God is in my nostrils.” If you’re going to be living raw in the Bible Belt, at least try to reap the marginal comedic of a basic Scriptural knowledge here.
  3. She failed to “kick it right through” jail security, probably because she was wearing an Alabama sweatshirt at the time.
  4. Again: It is a testament to the strength and longevity of the Saban dynasty that the only jokes we can make are about missing a field goal once every three years or so under pressure, often in games Alabama ends up winning anyway.
  5. About the choice of sweatshirt: This is in Alcorn County, Mississippi, county seat is Corinth. Boundaries suggest that this should be, at the very least, Mississippi State territory if not Ole Miss territory. Even a cursory search of mugshot photos he brands need help, y’all.
  6. “Smuggling contraband into a jail” is a felony. This seems unfair since even trying it brings the accused closer to the place they’ll be anyway, thus making the entire process easier for everyone. That kind of accidental courtesy should knock it down to at least a misdemeanor on manners alone.
  7. If you are not from the South and are wondering if every county jail is like this: Yes, yes they are all like this.
  8. This is a quality Bama Shirt/Roll Tide episode, and pantheon-worthy.
  9. P.S. Roll Tide.