SUBSTITUTE TEACHER THEATER: UCONN-TEMPLE 2017

Alright, class, I’m Mr. Cookbook, and- HEY! HEY! [flicks lights on and off] I’ll be covering for Mr. Hall today, he’s out with [reading notes] beard flu? Anyways, I don’t know where you are with your lesson plans - what class is this? History? Anyways, you can read about the Battle of Hastings - WHO THREW THAT? WHO THROWS AN ENTIRE UNEATEN KIWIFRUIT? YOUR PARENTS PACKED THAT FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU NEED VITAMIN K.

Anyways, your vice principal has agreed to let me show a video today, and I understand you all enjoy [reading notes again] college football. However, the school board has very strict content approval standards, and a great deal of college football was deemed to be too violent or sexual for your young impressionable minds.

Thankfully, we were able to find some that met the district’s threshold.

[turns off lights]

You can text if you want, just be quiet.

(I dare you people to live-tweet a gamewatch of this in the comments. I DARE YOU.)