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Shall I compare thee to a summer’s Dayne?

Thou art more chunky with a bigger ass:

Rough stiffarms shake their tender chests with pain,

Please eat your steaks well—for we hate to pass.

Song: To Brutus

Drink to me only with Buckeyes,

And I will chug Bud Lights;

Or dominate me in flip cup,

Then get me in barfights.

The thirst that from the Buds doth rise

Makes haste for Out-R-Inn!

Remind me of a Hawkeye loss,

And I’ll knock your fucking teeth in

A Michigan Man’s Sonnet

Your mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;

The sun is burning gas in space, not eyes;

Actually, eyes like suns would kill someone

FYI: Here’s a link about the sun.

For a Mistress Deciding on a Lover

Remember girl, when pleasure beckons

Georgia will always come second

Sonnet from the Triple Option 43

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the dive and pitch and keep

My counter pitch, my student body right

My love is undersized, and hath five plays.

Let’s Stay Together (Kansas football edition)

I, I’m I’m so in love with you

My number of wins is two

That’s all right with me

Cause you pay attention to hoooooops

And Iiiiiii’ll never be Bob Stooooooops

Let me say that since, baby,

since we’ve been together

2 and 10 forever

Is what I’ll beeeeee

Bill Self—he’s the one you go running to

We’ll make a bowl in a decade or twoooo

Oh baby

Let’s, let’s stay together (together)

Lovin’ you whether, whether

Times are bad or bad

or crappy or bad (they’re bad)

Roses are red

Violets are blue

The players aren’t paid

But a man named Jimbo makes seven million dollars a year

O my love is like a red, red rose,

Twas pretty but dead with reason

Its beauty flamed, but died all at once

Like Auburn’s football season

“A Bushel and a Peck” (lyrics by Bobby Petrino)

I love you

A bushel and a peck

A bushel and a peck

And a motorcycle wreck