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WEDDING CAKE TOO DRAB? BAMA SHIRT IT

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CAN’T SPELL OSTENTATIOUS CAKE WITHOUT S E C

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl - Washington v Alabama Photo by Mike Zarrilli/Getty Images

Do you love Bryant-Denny Stadium enough to eat it? It’s a question, Alabama, one we’ll have to add to the endless and growing list of questions about Alabama fandom. That list includes such classics as “Will you name your child after a coach?” (Yes, multiple times over), “Will you say ‘Roll Tide’ while being arrested?” (Yes, also multiple times over), and “Will you “Will you commit a felony destroying the living symbols of your biggest rival because Cam Newton happened, and possibly poison the water table at the same time?” (Yes. It was a thing.)

The answer will probably also be “yes” here, too, because the one thing better than a wedding cake is one with a literal BAMA SHIRT on it.

That wedding cake cost $2500, and like a lot of things Alabama eventually purchases, it came from Texas A&M first. (WE GOT TIMELY BEAR BRYANT JOKES, Y’ALL.) Steffany Bowling of Corsicana, Texas had already done a Kyle Field cake. This totally seems like a better deal for a stadium cake because you get three tiers by default, but Bama fans a.) had to have their own and b.) didn’t want to split ownership of the Kyle Field cake with everyone, since the post-renovation Kyle Field in all forms is owned equally by almost every other team in the SEC. (LSU gets, like, whatever piece it wants first, basically.)

The cake is built from ten sheet cakes, and can feed “roughly 250—275 people”, or a crowd roughly the size of half of Nick Saban’s coaching staff, give or take the 20 retired NFL coaches kept on retainer. The happy couple will be able to enjoy the whole thing except for the risers, which may not be eaten. This stands in contrast to a Raymond James Stadium cake, which Alabama fans could confidently eat about half of before giving up altogether.

Upon seeing the cake, the logical response by any Auburn fan in the room would be to swing an enormous cartoon mallet at it before anyone could eat it. However, this would probably result in the Auburn fan missing, and instead hammering the Mississippi State cake instead. (The Mississippi State cake isn’t as nice, mind you, but it still has much better ice cream on the side.)

Oh, one more thing: This URL is horrifying Alabama fanfic come to life.