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THE EDSBS CHARITY BOWL FRIDAY UPDATE: HOOK. THEM.

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MICHIGAN OVER ALL AS USUAL, BUT TEXAS STORMS THROUGH LOUD AS HELL ANYWAY

FIRING BIGGER GUNS THAN EVERYONE ELSE AS USUAL, TEXAS

Reminder: Donate to the 2017 EDSBS Charity Bowl HERE.

UPDATE: YES IT’S LATE BUT WE WERE BUSY. First, please enjoy your Memorial Day weekend. It’s a special holiday, even if it is one we honestly just remembered was happening, so pay quiet tribute to the Nile Kinnicks and Pat Tillmans of the world while you’re celebrating. (Which we’ll be doing by taking care of our kids, who don’t have school on Monday! Parenting, the adventure that requires planning, a skill we do not and will never have!)

Standings as of Friday morning:

  • The total was $33,229.96 for the week, which is astonishing given this being a slow week in almost everyone’s lives, and also that this year’s fundraiser happened in two stages. You are all beautiful people with perfect asses and credit to match. Thank you, thank you, thank you
  • The big donor was our Texan who likes to come in Texas it up by throwing down TWO THOUSAND SEVEN HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS IN A SINGLE SHOT. Thank you, Richard Texan, for being generous, and also for being SUPER Texan about it. Hook ‘em from the bottom of our brisket-choked hearts.
  • Second place is Georgia Tech, which did astonishing work this year at least making the Michigan Money Cannon fire more than a few times. We never meant to neglect you, second alma mater: It was clearly an error, and we cannot forget that in the future. You’re just quiet, and engineer-like sometimes, what with being secure, busy, and well-employed.
  • Texas State also dropped a large one-time donation, so remember that the Longhorns don’t have a monopoly on hootin’ and hollerin’ in a charitable fashion. Gracias para todos, San Marcos.
  • The rest is all pleasing and incredible and great, particularly the strong showing from relative newcomers like Ohio State, Clemson, and Alabama. It’s a Land Grant free-for all in the top ten, proving that the larger the university’s square footage, the larger the hearts. Thank you thank you thank you
BAMA AND CLEMSON CAME THROUGH HARD YOU’RE STILL HYPE FROM THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
THAT’S NICE DEPAUL
THANK YOU ALL-BLACKS
SUP TULANE

Reminder: The Charity Drive will carry through the weekend. We are off until Tuesday, when we will announce a winner and several other awards. We will also begin speculating what foolishness we will do to thank you for your generosity. It’ll have to be different than last year, since there are only so many Michigan-themed anime tattoos one man can put on his body. That’s a rule, even if we just made it up, because it certainly sounds like a truth universally known to all men who have to get anime-themed Michigan tattoos for charity.

In conclusion: DONATE DONATE DONATE DONATE DONATE DONATE DONATE DONATE DONATE.