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SHUTDOWN FULLCAST 7.05: BOLD VACATION TAKES

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PLUS WHO’S GOT THE BIGGEST STAFF AND WHY BARRY SWITZER IS THE ORIGINAL SPYMASTER

Travel Destination: Western USA
VACATION TIP: GO TO THE GRAND CANYON AND SEE THIS FAT GODDAMN SQUIRREL
Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images

Let's start with a few apologies. First, we apologize that we take forever to actually get to the heart of this episode's topic, but there were Charlie Weis things to discuss and you know quite well we're going to talk about Charlie Weis things.

Second, we apologize that this podcast continues to exist. We still don't know why that is.

Third, we apologize that we have now encouraged you to go on a group vacation to a national park over a long weekend. It's going to go badly and yes, you should have just gotten those cheap plane tickets to Portugal with your significant other. You don't get Lyme disease from drinking too much wine.

(We apologize if you can, in fact, get Lyme disease from drinking too much wine.)

BONUS: Here’s the account of Barry Switzer’s lifelong friendship with Larry Lacewell, referenced in the long story we tell about Barry Switzer sending a guy to spy on the University of Texas’s practices. If a man cuckolds you but can draw up a helluva game plan while securing a commit from a five-star running back, then you might forget he slept with your wife, and even help him get the job of coaching the Dallas Cowboys a couple of decades later.

BONUS BONUS: If you don’t read that, then here’s an excerpt from that same article that explains why Barry Switzer is actually a very sane person given his upbringing.

Those who know him best speculate that in those days, Switzer fought the childhood demons fed by his father. Frank Switzer was “a rounder and womanizer who drank a fifth of whiskey every night,” says Barry. His father eventually died in a fiery car wreck while being driven to the hospital by a black mistress who had shot him out of jealousy over another black mistress. Worse, Switzer hadn’t forgiven himself for refusing his mother’s goodnight kiss moments before she shot herself. Sometimes Switzer soothed the hidden pain by following too closely in his father’s footsteps.

Yeah.