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RAMP THE DESTROYED HIGHWAY GAP, ATLANTA

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WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU DISASTERS, MAKE SOME DISASTERADE

ACTUAL FOOTAGE

If you don’t know: Part of I-85 in Atlanta collapsed yesterday afternoon as the result of a big-ass fire beneath a section of it just north of downtown. The fire broke out under an overpass section near Monroe Road and Piedmont when a mess of plastic tubing either caught fire spontaneously, or was set on fire by someone who thought “wooboy, as an arsonist I can’t believe someone would just store all this extremely flammable shit beneath one of Atlanta’s busiest roadways.”

Next time, let’s not store extremely flammable stuff beneath an interstate, Atlanta.

BUT LET’S ALSO NOT DWELL ON THE NEGATIVES. If the entire course of this city’s history is any indicator, a massive fire is only a chance to make some lemonade from sooty, collapsed lemons, gussy it up, and then upsell that lemonade to outsiders and rubes as “Smoke-infused Basil Lemonade” for $14 a bottle. You see a collapsed interstate; We, and many others, see nothing but thrilling opportunity.

There are at least 42 movies and TV shows shooting in Georgia right now. And as a matter of artistic principle, at least one of them needs to jump a car over the gap while it’s still there.

Does Infinity Wars not need a scene where a superhero demonstrates his leaping/flying ability? Does Godzilla: King of Monsters not need a scene where the big guy narrowly misses a Dodge Challenger or Charger nailing a sick jump, followed by the flattening of the interstate? You do know that the Challenger and Charger are the only cars we can use here, because one out of every three cars on the street here is a Dodge Challenger or Charger, right?

Can we get one of those muscle cars flying through the air and away from one of the three monsters in the movie version of Rampage, which is guaranteed to be awesome because the only plot of the video game is “Three huge monsters destroy everything in sight and pull stunned residents of high-rises out of their homes to eat them”? Does the new MacGyver need to demonstrate how Mac can make a nitrous system for a car out of a few Sodastream bottles and an aux cord? We have no idea what Superstition: Final Chance is about, but it’s from the people who made Final Destination, so surely some degree of spectacular death is required. As if the generous tax credit for your industry wasn’t enough, WE JUST MADE YOU A THING THAT REEKS OF SPECTACULAR CINEMATIC DEATH, HOLLYWOOD.

If none of those productions has the courage to make it happen, maybe we need to rely on America’s most underrepresented and gritty gym rat of a city to make this happen.

Through a combination of God-given talent and Boston grit, Cam Calloway and Reggie Vaughn have achieved fame and fortune that neither could have imagined growing up in one of the toughest neighborhoods in Boston. But success comes with its own challenges, and the cousins and confidantes wrestle with the rewards of money, stardom, love, and occasionally, the guilt of having “made it.”

Only Boston could be a better Atlanta than Atlanta, really, especially a Boston shot in Atlanta doubling as Boston, because Boston is so gritty lenses get scratched just sitting there in all that grit. The gap in the highway is 28 feet and 3 inches long, you say? Sounds like something Boston could overcome, imho.

In summary: Rectify the small crime of the General Lee’s most spectacular jumps being filmed in the state of California, and jump a car across the freshly incinerated remains of an interstate overpass. For justice, for art, and for America, we must.

P.S. If all else fails, someone just needs to rig up a General Lee with Migos painted on the top instead of the Stars and Bars, crank up “T-Shirt,” and make some magic happen.

P.P.S. The southbound side of I-85, while still standing, is also ruined by fire damage. This means, in theory, that you could shoot this twice when the state has to implode the other side, too. All we do in Georgia is give you is opportunities, trap music, and corrupt politicians, America. Give this back to us, and make some real life Dukes of Hazzard shit happen.