THIS MORNING IN STUDENT BODY PRESIDENTS SOLVING FOOTBALL PROBLEMS

YOU, ADMIRABLE AND ACHIEVING THINGS:

Last week, the University of Texas elected a physically differently abled student body president, its first ever. Alejandrina Guzman’s platform drew its strength from an emphasis on inclusiveness, empowerment of students, and one very important scheduling suggestion for the football team.

The pair plan to work directly with student leaders on campus initiatives, integrate the Multicultural Engagement Center and the Gender and Sexuality Center, add handicap-accessible vans to SURE Walk, provide guarantor forms for undocumented students in off-campus apartment buildings and to revive the non-conference Texas A&M-UT football game for 2025. Finance junior Cameron Maxwell, one of the campaign managers on the Guzman-Wolf campaign, said he believes Guzman’s unique background will benefit the student body.

So look at you, Texas. You got a landmark of sorts in your student government election, and a student body president who focuses on important issues like healing the state’s most serious open sporting wound—i.e. the divorce and ongoing separation between Texas and Texas A&M. A uniter, not a divider, and someone who gets that the world can only be right when low-level class warfare is resolved not in the streets, but on the football field.

(Not that she can really do much about it, since gigantic college football programs in the state of Texas and beyond operate like separate corporations with few actual ties to the university’s student governments. But it’s the thought that counts, Longhorns, and we appreciate that.)

That’s you, Texas. Doing big things, and in new ways all the time, and maybe deciding to at least admit you want to play Texas A&M again. Heart’s real big right now for you, and all you do. Hook them, etc.

ME: DOING FLORIDA STUFF

Go Gators.

UF’s newly elected Student Body president was arrested Tuesday in Key West, Florida, after police said he drunkenly knocked over two Harley-Davidson motorcycles while on Spring Break....

When officers with the Key West Police Department arrived, Meyers was not making sense and appeared to be drunk. The arresting officer wrote, “Meyers was so intoxicated that he did not even recall coming down to Key West for spring break vacation," according to the report.

Me: Electing an unopposed white dude whose name sounds like a law firm to student body president, and then watching him go on vacations he was too drunk to remember even going on, and then getting arrested on that vacation for getting mad at motorcycles when they wouldn’t turn on without a key in the ignition.

Good morning, and you have just met the future Governor of the state of Florida.