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ALABAMA FAN REVIEWS SUPER BOWL

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LITERALLY A THING THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED NOPE

NCAA Football: CFP National Championship-Clemson vs Alabama The Greenville News-USA TODAY Sports
NCAA Football: Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl-Alabama vs Washington Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

Dang, Falcons, we gave you Julio and you do this? Blow a 28-3 lead to the Patriots? Thought we showed you how to finally win in the Georgia Dome, and this is how you repay us? Dang. That’s all I gotta say. D-a-n-g dang.

I mean, who blows that kind of lead? You know they were just gonna pass and pass and pass and try to get the play count up on you till you got gassed. That’s how all them teams work now, except for us. Some of us still believe in godly football that runs the ball, thankfully, and Roll Tide to that.

And to do it with Devonta Freeman in the backfield? What were y’all saving him for, the spring game or something? He barely touched the ball, but when he did he tore them up real good, every time. He got a warranty or something? You planning on returning him for in-store credit at the running back mart? Because buddy that’s what it looked like, and let me tell you: in-store credit ain’t shit, especially when you can’t find someone at the store to barter it in cash.

AND you let them do it all in what, a quarter and a half at the end of the game? That’s unprecedented. I’ve never seen that. Not once. I mean, I’ve seen collapses before, but I’ve literally never seen a team spit the bit on the national stage in the fourth quarter against an opponent out there just passin’ willy-nilly against a defense when they knew what was coming and not be able to stop that.

It’s just unprecedented.

Never! Never seen anything like it. Can’t imagine how it’d feel. I’d probably go cry in a gutter for a few days and drink mouthwash till my pee went blue. Not even the top shelf stuff, I’m talking some Sam’s Club stuff that’s actually just windshield wiper fluid with some cut-rate Chinese mint flavoring shot through it. I’d have trouble sleeping for the rest of my life thinking about that, if it happened to my team, which it definitely hasn’t, at all, ever.

Least y’all made them go to overtime, I guess. It’d be so much worse if you let ‘em do it in regulation. Just be unbearable, I think. I’d want to die, or at least fake my death, or maybe at the very least deny it happened, forever. Can’t identify, though. Anyway, A-Day’s on April 22nd, y’all! See you then and Roll Tide.