SHUTDOWN FULLCAST 4.66: LET’S ALL RUN FOR GOVERNOR

This week’s Fullcast features discussion of everything that happened in college football this week, i.e. nothing at all, happening nowhere. Fortunately, this has never stopped us from making a Fullcast before.

Topics covered this week include:

• What happens when a former football coach runs for Governor of Alabama and has to fill the shoes of the horniest governor ever
• A survey of sports people who became politicians including a reminder that we actually elected two cast members from the film Predator
• Note: We should probably make another Predator movie to fill several empty slots in our government
• Which politicians besides Bill Clinton could we slide over into coaching seamlessly, and we say “besides Bill Clinton” because you know that could happen in like three seconds given the right bar and the right people on any given late night in the state of Arkansas
• Reader questions, including a discussion of astronomy where we figure out Earth is the Notre Dame football program

BONUS READER QUESTIONS BECAUSE NOTHING IS GOING ON:

A four year old has a fascinating relationship with time, at least relative to your understanding of time. They have only been alive for such a short time that any moment for them represents a substantial chunk of existence. A minute for them may feel like ten of yours; An hour, even longer. A day might as well be an era, and a week an entire lifetime.

What we’re saying is that as bad as that game might have been as a four hour experience for you, it felt something like an entire week for that four year old. They went past trauma and into survival mode. They adjusted to life at Rutgers/Illinois, made bargains with God, and adapted. By the time you took them home, they had probably made peace with being there forever.

So you probably scarred them forever, which you might have already guessed. However, you also did this to a degree you hadn’t previously imagined. Go Illini.

Dan Mullen, and he’s very, very adamant about it in interviews, which is why he doesn’t get other jobs. It’s not that it’s a dealbreaker to be a Flat Earther as a football coach, he’s just really, really too evangelical about it, and will call you a Globe-ist at the drop of a hat. Additionally: he got along well with Tim Tebow, and that seems like another red flag for spurious scientific beliefs.

Dabo Swinney: Spanish I, but definitely not Spanish II

Mike Gundy: American History 1982-1988

Dana Holgorsen: Driver’s Ed (on suspended license, the state is bullshit)

Mark Dantonio: AP World History But Mostly The Parts Where Everyone Dies All The Time

Ed Orgeron: Economics of Bail Bondsmen

Larry Fedora: Tanthropology

Jim Mora: Resume Updating

David Cutcliffe: Cribbage

Nick Saban: Personal finance

Look at this this way: What incoming athletic director, staring at the SEC East, would not want to tackle a retooling SEC East with the array of talent that Butch Jones has assembled in Knoxville? Please note that this sentence only mentions the talent in Knoxville, and not who is coaching that talent! Especially when the former offensive-coordinator-in-training and excellent recruiter just left to take a position with the Chicago Bears! Which is definitely not a superb sign, particularly when Phil Fulmer might be your Athletic Director, and he might want to bring someone in with something like existing Tennessee ties! Exclamation points! Because no one likes talking about Butch Jones, not even Butch Jones!