BILL SNYDER HAS THROAT CANCER

Bill Snyder has throat cancer. This would be bad news if this were not Bill Snyder, an immortal who can make windbreakers last for decades, and if he had not already received a good prognosis from his doctors in Kansas and at M.D. Anderson in Houston.

Treatment will not interfere with his schedule, according to a statement Snyder issued where he was so prairie-polite that he apologized to his family for having to share it publicly—while he was telling people he had cancer.

Dammit, Bill, stop being so nice. We know you would probably still throttle a Texas Longhorns team to death with a 16 minute, 32 play drive while undergoing chemotherapy, and do it with a smile. We know you’d send the handwritten note in purple ink afterwards, and enjoy exactly ten seconds of a chuckle before going directly to the film room to prep for the next week and enjoy a nice, fresh Werther’s Original Butterscotch while he does it.

Still, best to Bill Snyder and his family at K-State, even though he’s totally got this, just like he had it when he fought and beat Spanish Influenza (1919), scurvy (1872), pleurisy (1922, 1956,) rabies (1729), chillblains (1843), scarlet fever (2012), typhus (1904), tuberculosis (1931,) and Ron Prince (2006—2008.) He’s seen worse and done better with less, like the time he got malaria in Florida on a recruiting trip in the 1930s, converted a strapping tight end to a doctor on the fly, and beat the disease with quinine and three plays all run out of the same formation. Malaria didn’t want to give up a home loss where they lost time of possession by a 15:00/45:00 advantage, but it didn’t have a choice with Bill, did it?