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BLACK FRIDAY SPECIAL: PITT

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IT’S ALSO AN OPEN THREAD, BUT FREE PITT, TOO

By Spencer Hall
902 comments / new
NCAA Football: Pittsburgh at Virginia Tech Lee Luther Jr.-USA TODAY Sports

THAT’S RIGHT IT’S BLACK FRIDAY AND WE’VE GOT A SPECIAL ON THE ONLY THING ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY NEEDS FOR CHRISTMAS

THAT’S RIGHT IT’S PITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

MAGIC AND PITT ARE THE SAME WORD

ALL THE PITT YOU CAN HANDLE. WE GOT ALL THE KINDS OF PITT INCLUDING:

  • WET PITT
  • DRY PITT
  • VARIEGATED PITT
  • SECTIONAL PITTS
  • FLATSCREEN PITTS
  • BLACK VELVET PITT
  • CRUELTY-FREE PITT?
  • FRENCH-CUT PITTS
  • TRISHA YEARWOOD’S COUNTRY CHRISTMAS PITT
  • SONORAN STYLE PITT
  • FLASH-FRIED PITT
  • TSUM-TSUM PITT
  • PITT AND MORTAR
  • TUSCAN PITT (FOR MOM!)
  • #MAGA PITT (FOR YOUR WHITE DAD!)
  • SICHUAN PITT (HAO LA DE!)
  • BITCH FEVER PITT
  • PITT CON CARNE
  • CANNED PITT
  • BAGGED PITT
  • SHIPLAP PITT
  • TIN PITT
  • FLEX-TIME DISABILITY PITT
  • NEAP PITT
  • DAY PITT
  • CHICAGO-STYLE PITT
  • HUSKY PITT (REDUNDANT!)
  • DEEP SEA PITT
  • PITTBERRIES
  • MORNIN’ PITT
  • SLEEPYTIME PITT
  • DANGER PITT
  • PARQUET PITT
  • THE BOURNE SUPREMACY PITT
  • BULL, PITT
  • TRENCHFOOT PITT
  • PITT: RAGNAROK
  • PICKLED PITT
  • THE FORMATION TOUR PITT
  • PITT AL PASTOR
  • HAMMERED PITT
  • PITT, PITTED
  • PITT WITH RETSYN
  • BASS BOAT FINISH PITT
  • PITT THE NEW STREAMING SERIES FROM NETFLIX
  • SENZU BEAN PITT
  • RANCH PITT
  • HOODIE PITT
  • NIGHT PIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT

SO MUCH PITT. ALL HERE ON THE LOT FOR THE TAKING. HOW ARE YOU GONNA MOVE ALL THIS PITT? UP TO YOU. BRING A BAG. BRING A TRUCK. BRING A FORKLIFT, BRING A FRIEND. BRING A FRIEND WHO IS ACTUALLY A FORKLIFT, WE DON’T CARE. WHEN YOU’VE GOT THIS MUCH PITT AND JUST 12 HOURS TO MOVE IT THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM. TOTE IT OUT IN A DECORATIVE GOURD IF YOU LIKE.

HOW MUCH IS ALL THIS PITT?

IT’S AVAILABLE NOW FOR THE LOW PRICE OF FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

COME AND TAKE THIRTY POUNDS OF IT OFF OUR HANDS BEFORE FIVE PM AND RECEIVE ANOTHER THIRTY POUNDS OF IT AT NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE. THIS PITT WENT BAD MONTHS AGO. BUT NO ONE CAN TURN DOWN FREE.

COME ON DOWN TO THE DEALERSHIP. WE’VE GOT DAVE WANNSTEDT BALLOONS. THE KIDS CAN RIDE THE TODD GRAHAM MINI-RAILWAY. YOU HAVE TO GET AFTER ONE TIME AROUND IT BUT IT’S AN AVERAGE RIDE AND THAT’S WHAT COUNTS. NATHAN PETERMAN IS HANDING OUT AUTOGRAPHS FOR THE KIDS. NOT A SPECIFIC KID, HE’S JUST KIND OF TOSSING THEM OUT THERE AND SEEING WHO CATCHES ONE.

COME GET IT AMERICA. COME GET IT NOWWWWWWWW

P.S. NIGHT PITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

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